Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Rzeznik Reports on the Land of the Rising Sun

Rzeznik Reports on the Land of the Rising Sun (Comparing it with Bolehland) Part 1


Greetings, Konichiwa and welcome back to RJ in the house returns. First of all I would like to sincerely apologize for my late entry as many things had happened to me as much as happened in Bolehland itself. My pc blew up and I have to go get another one, and the new PC mobo was fucked up and I have to bring that shit all the way back to the damn shop to fix it. Also, I just visited Japan, the Land of the Rising Sun of which, in my opinion is 100 times better than Bolehland. At least there, nobody calls me a ‘penumpang’ or various other crap thing and tried to cover it up with ridiculous and retarded ‘cover-lines’. Oh, I’m not talking about any political crap here and so please do not try to ‘prevent access to my blog’ or put ISA, OSA, SPCA and all sorts of ‘A’ against me.

Having said that, let’s talk about Japan. When I first set foot on Japan, the people of Japan (nihon-jin as they call themselves, in contrast to gaijin for Americans) are very polite. So polite that even though you don’t wanna buy the stuff that they’re selling, you bought it just because they were polite. Further, Jap girls are cute, pretty and hawt, as proven and seen in their various JAVs. (If you don’t believe me go google Maria Takagi or Maria Ozawa and look for yourself). However, in Japan there are 2 types of girls. The first type is called “Ganguro” (refer to Ganguro Gangbang JAV) which is practically normal fair Japanese girls who dye their hair blonde and tan their skin.

Now, if we were to compare these Ganguro girls with Bolehland’s Lala ah lians:-

or this, I rather go with the Ganguro girls. Seriously.

Anyways, other than the girls in Japan, most people there are again polite and all, even in traffic. Even if they don’t know you, they will greet you with a smile or ‘konichiwa’. And there, they don’t simply rob you or 3R you like the local mat-rempits do. If you lost your phone and they found it, they will return it back to you. If it was in Bolehland, you can kiss your phone good bye and go get a new one.

Anyways let’s start and see how many points these 2 places get when we put them up in competition.

1. RESTROOMS / TOILET

Yes, the most important things in life is the toilet, the place where we go pee, take a dump, smoke weed, take drugs or do whatever you wanna do which we don’t wanna know in there.. Our first contestant, the toilet from Japan :-


It’s clean, it’s friggin clean, it’s a Japanese high-tech toilet. It has heated seat and motion sensor. Plus you don’t have to wash your ass with your hands anymore. With a push of a button, you can spray your ass clean, and another button will squirt water up your ass, cleaning it inside, sort of like enema of which is just right for people who complained that he has been sodomized 8-12 times and went to the Deputy Prime Minister’s office to get a scholarship.

Now here’s the function knob. Turn the knob to the right (the red picture) is to wash your ass. Turn it to the left (the blue picture) is to was your boobs. Simple right?...wait, why the heck would anyone wanna wash their boobs with the toilet bowl? Oh well that’s none of my business. Anyways the other knob is to adjust the water pressure that sprays directly up your ass. So if you are a Fool with the first name 'Sai' then you can turn the water pressure to the max and you don’t have to swear on this.

Now this is the highway toilet hand-basin. Everything is automated and has sensors. The middle is for water, right is hand dryer and the left is the soap dispensers. You can’t get any cooler than this all-in-one hand-basin. Everything is automated here, water flush and stuff and you don’t have to dirty your hands when doing your business. Also you since everything is there, you don't have to walk around with you wet hands and sprinkle it all over the floor.

The highway toilet pee cubicle. Just look at it, it’s so damn friggin clean that you feel guilty when you wanna pee on it. Note that people here they wipe the toilet bowl clean before and after they use it. How considerate of them. By this, Japan gains +5 points for their clean toilet.

Contestant No. 2, Bolehland’s toilet



OMFG, this is so damn f**king filthy that I almost puke when I uploaded this pic. Also here you need to wash your ass with your hands. Goddammit, your ass with your hands man, the same hand which you use to dig your nose. What the hell man. And there’s no automatic flush? Now I don’t feel like peeing anymore.



Look at this shit, godammit that previous mofo din flush. And he even peed on the floor. Magahai now how the heck I wanna take a dump? And here the door cannot be locked, and there’s no tissue to wipe your ass with. WTF man, no ass washing equipment, no water hose, no tissue. What the heck you want me to do? Wipe my ass with my hand and then draw graffiti on the wall with my shit? You see those traces on the wall? Those are old shit graffiti drawn my previous inconsiderate mofos. So if you planning to use Bolehland’s toilet, please be prepared to bring your own tissue, lock or whatever is needed in this case. And you better pray that the toilet bowl is not clogged with shit and stuff. Now I don't feel like eating anymore. Bolehland gets -5 points for this category.

Stay tune for part 2 where we compare other things of Japan and Bolehland.