Bullshit is when a minister says ‘they're are not sacked, but only told to retire early’, which actually means the same thing. Bullshit is what we say when the higher ruling body is going to take our EPF money to save some crap company and says it’s guaranteed by them when we know even if it’s guaranteed; it’s the tax-payer’s money which is used to guarantee it. Bullshit is also what everyone say when there’s a floor price when the petrol price goes too low but no ceiling price when the price sky-rocket.
We all hear bullshits everyday, whether from the ruling party or other places, but the worst bullshit we ever heard are from our parents when we were kids. Probably there are moral values behind those bullshits or it just to scare the shit outta us to make us do their bidding or listen to them. So let us see what bullshit we hear the most from them.
1. Strangers will always wanna scold you.
We all know some kids misbehave in public. These brats will come out with all sorts of antics like screaming and shouting, lying in the middle of the road, eating shit and running around naked. The parents at this stage can’t do shit. They sure as hell won’t smack these brats in public. At most, fresh parents will say ‘you naughty boy ah’ and you think your kid will give a damn about whether he’s a naughty boy or not. He’s probably just gonna say ‘hell yea ima notti boy’ and then continues lying on the floor and stuff.
Hell yea, ima notti boy
So the parents will have to resort to their final weapon – a stranger.
What’s the stranger suppose to do?
It’s fairly simple. The parents will always say the same damn thing – “boy/girl, if you don’t behave, that kor-kor is gonna scold you ah”, then the parent will look at you and you have to play along and make this face:-
Eap!! u notti boy ah!! i scold u!!
Why is it bullshit?
For one, strangers will not scold your child. Well at least if they’re not that annoying. Look, we don’t wanna scold your kid, we just wanna beat them up cause they’re annoying. The only way to teach your kid about obedience is not asking some stranger to scold them but you must bitch-slap them yourself. Why you may ask? Imagine the stranger you asked to scold your child happens to be MJ. You don’t one him to scold or punish your kid and you sure as hell don’t want him to do anything to your kid.
2. Black people are kidnappers.
Ima gonna kidnap your ass!!
Well, I no racist here cause we all know who our National Racist in Bolehland is.
Racism is a thing for the past and morons from the Unhygienic Monkeys with No Otak group. Nowadays race and skin colour doesn’t really matter anymore. This can be seen in the States where they elected the first Black President to run the country, unlike ‘certain’ places. Having said that, however some parents are still racist and being black in Bolehland doesn’t really help. So normally when a kid misbehave in public, the parent will point to some random black guy and tell the kid, “you better behave ah cause if you naughty that Ah Ne Ne is gonna catch you”, but she did not tell you why the heck that random black guy wanna catch you for.
What’s the random black guy suppose to do?
Unless you are MJ, you don’t have to do anything. Further, normally the parents will not say it out loud cause it would be offensive and the random black guy will have to kidnap the parents.
Why is it bullshit?
Now, not all black guys are bad. Those people don’t simply commit crimes. Only Mat Rempits do that. Also kidnapping in Malaysia carries capital punishment – hanged to death and they don’t kidnap people in broad daylight (only mat rempits do that too cause they have their king looking after them). Back to our case, these random black people got better things to do, like voodoo or selling fake Rolexes in Lorong Haji Taib or doing the Black Money Scam than kidnapping your spoiled brat. So parent, the next time you wanna use this trick, it is better to change it to “boy/girl, if you notti ah the mat rempit is gonna kidnap and 3R you”.
3. Parents will sell you off when you are naughty.
As you have read from the above article, one of the many tricks that parents use on misbehaving children is the thread to sell them. Based on the article, it is true that people do sell their kids like selling your pet golden retriever’s puppies. Surely the kids are gonna be like friggin scared cause that means no more PSP/Wii for them.
Why it is bullshit?
I hear that you wanna sell your son.
For one, selling your own kid is illegal and a crime and two, since your kid’s a spoiled brat, only MJ would actually buy them from you. Other than that, unless you have a very good genes, nobody is gonna buy your kid if they are above 1 years old. And kids, if your parents really get rid of you, they would have done it when you were born, like those minah rempits and those ‘buang bayi’ – baby dumping cases. So kinds, the next time your mom threatens to sell you, you record that statement and call the cops or threaten them back for a PS3 or a new PSP.
4. Children in India got no food and starving to death.
It is like a general rule that children in India are dying of starvation. Of course there are many other countries where children are suffering from starvation but parents only know India. Anyways, parents will always use this trick their kids decided not to eat their food, either because they have no appetite or the mom’s cooking sucks. Hoping them to feel sorry for all the starving kids in India, their kids will appreciate their food more and eat it.
Why is it bullshit?
Now, why you care so much about what’s happening at India. Tough luck la if that starving kid is born there. It’s like when our National Racist tell us that you’re a ‘penumpang’ and it’s also tough luck cause we are born smarter, more hardworking and hygienic. Another thing is, it’s not like if you don’t eat your food your parents will pack the food and send it to India for the starving kids. Therefore there are absolutely no reason for you to care about the kids cause they are a lot of other charity organization who will send food to them by collecting money from us like UN, WHO, WTF and etc. Even McDonalds and Pizza Hut (not KFC cause they are scamming our money) are also collecting money from their sales to feed these starving children. So the next time your parent tells you this shit and asks you to eat shitty food, you can tell them to eat the food themselves.
And as for parents, if your kids ain’t eating, just keep the food aside and eventually your kid will get hungry and eat the damn food. Cause if they don’t, they will learn the lesson of ‘I better eat the damn food cause if I don’t then I will have no food to eat like in India’.
5. You’re a rude person when you talk back to elders.
Boy, you no manners ah!!
Ok, now this is my personal favorite bullshit to bang on. So imagine you are drinking coke and suddenly this darn grumpy old man appears outta nowhere and tells you shit stories about how bad coke is and it’s acidic and all those other shit about coke will burn a hole in your innards cause it is a corrosive acid. You, having scored A+ for Chemistry in your A-levels tries to tell him the truth of coke and all other food also have acid in it and hell, lime’s acid level is far more higher than coke itself. The old man, having realized that he’s an idiot and have no one else to blame but himself for not going to school when he was young, he says this “Boy, you damn no manners”. Then you go like – “Double Yuu Tee Eff?!!” Later your parents pops out and says ‘Oh yea, sorry ah my son no manners’.
Why is it bullshit?
This is the biggest bullshit of all. Just because you can defend yourself with reasonable arguments and justification doesn’t mean that you’re rude. Just because I can correct your stupid mistakes doesn’t mean that I’m rude. Just because you’re stupid and skipped school last time doesn’t mean that I’m rude. Also just because I scored 22 As in my SPM doesn’t mean that I’m rude too. If you senile old man can’t take criticism, why don’t you keep your god-damned opinion to yourself or your friends at your old folk’s home.
Now, actually the only reason those people who say this retarded phrase is because they have nothing else to say to defend themselves and they just wanna have the last word on the argument even if it doesn’t make any sense or it is not related to the topic you’re are arguing. So the typical scenario usually goes like this:-
You: doing ‘X’
Oldman: tells you “X” is no good together with his stupid opinion
You: explains that “X” is good by giving “Y” reasons
Oldman: realized that he left his dentures and artificial brain at home, says “you got no manners for talking back at me”
You: WTF?!!
So, if you old people are not good enough to have an argument, go home and take care of your grandkids brats. Just because you’re old doesn’t mean that we young people have to listen and take in all your outdated crap such as drinking urine cures internal bleedings. You can just keep all those bullshit to yourself and let us be.
