Monday, March 02, 2009

Rzeznik Retells our Favourite Fables (Part 2)

Well I wasn't in the mood in writing more serious stuff, but hey writing fairy tales seems to be more fun. Further, I can almost relate most of my fairy tales to the things happening to me. Maybe one day I might just get caught but after reading this, I just don't give a damn anymore.

The Magical Lake and the Poor Woodcutter

Once upon a time, there was a damn poor wood cutter. He supports his life by chopping wood and selling it to people even though people nowadays uses gas or electricity for fire, which explains why he is poor.

One day, while he was chopping wood in some reserved forest, he accidentally dropped his axe into a lake. Seeing that he could never afford a new axe, he sat down next to the lake and cried like a transvestite.

Suddenly, the Lake Spirit emerged from the lake with a blunt wooden axe and asked the Woodcutter, “Is this your axe?” Being still emo, the Woodcutter said “I don’t remember”.

Then the Lake Spirit took out a silver axe and asked “Is this your axe?” Shocked, the Woodcutter suddenly becomes greedy and hopes to get a better axe. So he said “Looks like mine, works like mine, but it’s not mine.”

Are you sure?” asked the Lake Spirit.

Hey look, this forest is my palace and I can say whatever I want” said the Woodcutter.

The Lake Spirit then took out a golden axe and asked the same question. This time, the Woodcutter said happily “Correct, correct, correct, that is my axe.” The Lake Spirit was furious because the Woodcutter lied. So the Lake Spirit said, “You’re a lying asshole and for that I’m not giving you any axes even your old filthy axe,” and returned into the bottom of the lake.

Hearing this, the Woodcutter sat down and continued to cry like a transvestite because he lost his old filthy axe.

Moral

Don’t be a greedy bastard.

The 3 Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were 3 little pigs. They spent their time eating and sleeping and doing nothing all day so they become damn fat. One day, they all were killed for CNY dishes. The End.

Moral

Don’t be a lazy pig.

Or you can read this one:-

Once upon a time, there were 3 little pigs. One day all of them decided to split up and build their own houses. The first little pig builds his house on an illegal plot of land with just straws like those squatters houses. So the local authority big bad wolf, seeing this decided to eat the pig. So he went to the pig house and asks the pig to let him in. Obviously the pig refuses. Then the big bad wolf said ‘if you let me come in, I will give you a Toyota Camry like in Perak.” Upon hearing this, the pig quickly opened the door and let the wolf in and gets eaten up by him. Then the wolf huff and puff and demolish the straw house cause it is built illegally.

The second little pig, built his house on a legal land with sticks but he did not apply a permit for it. Knowing this, the big bad wolf decided to visit the second little pig. The little pig refuses to let the wolf in so the wolf said “if you let me come in, I will give you a Merc S-Class like in Terengganu.” Being stupid and greedy, the little pig opened the door and the wolf eats him up. After that, the wolf huff and puff and demolished the stick house cause the pig did not apply a permit for it.

The third little pig, who is richer build his house with bricks, and it’s damn big. So huge that it has everything inside, swimming pool, gym, bar counter, pool table, brothel and everything you can wish for. He even called it The Palace of Porky Fun. Even with this grand name, he didn’t even apply for a god-damned permit and it was built on an illegal land.

The big bad wolf decided to pay the third little pig a visit and asked the pig to let him into his house. As usual the pig refused. Then the big bad wolf said “if you let me come in, I will give you 50 million like in some place between Thailand and Singapore.” So the pig let him in and the wolf eat the pig up. However the wolf did not demolish the grand house cause he just don’t feel like doing it even though it was built illegally and without permit.

The Moral

Don’t let strangers into your house.

Money can buy anyting.

The sad story of Snow White

Once upon a time, in the land between China and Russia there was this pretty, hawt and fair girl called Snow White. She’s so hawt, pretty and fair, she don’t have to use cosmetic product such as SK-III or Oil of Olen. Also, in the same land there was an evil queen who’s a camwhore and spent most of the time lying to herself on how hawt she is and talking to herself on the mirror.

“Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the hawttest queen of all?”

“’Everyone else but not you.”

“WTF?!!”

“I mean you are the hawttest queen of all, but the girl Snow White is more hawtter than you.”

“Snow white? I bet all her body are fake and made of plastic. Ima gonna kill her and be the hawttest of all.”

And so, she sent 2 of her best police guards to get rid of Snow White, but they failed due to her hawtness. The evil queen was furious and sent them to the torture chamber to be tortured sexually by a student looking for a scholarship in the castle.

If you wanna do something right, you gotta do it yourself,” said the queen. So she went to Snow White and gave her a C4 poisonous apple. Being a bimbo, Snow White took the apple and ate it and then exploded.

Moral

Don’t take food from strangers.

If you wanna do something right, you gotta do it yourself.