Rzeznik's research on the Mat Rempit Menace (Part 2)

Now, usually Mat Rempits roam the streets with their ‘kapchai’ bikes in numbers, usually 20 of them in one herd. This is because they only feel safe when in numbers, which also means they only got 1/10 of their balls attached to each of them and that is why when in groups of 20, all of them will have the normal amount of balls which makes them feel damn brave to perform stupid and dangerous stunts.

*’kapchai’ is a small, cheap and low budget bike which is practically half scooter and half motocycle*

Rempits usually come out at night or the eve of public holiday, because in the day time they have to work so that they got sufficient money to pay for the petrol and buy cigarettes. When they are on the road, they will perform all sorts of tricks and stunts based on their imagination and inspiration such as:-

Superman

The main problem that rempits faces everyday is being poor. Being poor means that they cannot afford to buy plane tickets. Even though plane tickets nowadays cost as low as “it’s free to fly with us” – Tony F. still, they cannot afford the tickets due to airport taxes. Therefore, inspired by the world superhero Superman, Rempits decided to modify their bike so with the ‘jetplane-liftoff’ sound (it sounds as though a jet plane is lifting off, but it’s only the ‘sound’ and there’s no effect on the speed of the bike whatsoever) and when riding at night, they will lie down on their belly on top of the bike via ‘Superman Flying’ style and imagine that they are flying (after taking drugs/sniffing cow dung). Surprisingly, even though most of the Rempits never finish high school, they do know about the laws of physics as this stunt lessens the friction of the air.

Cicakman

Cicakman i.e. Gecko-man is a cheap local hybrid imitation between the western Batman and Spiderman. Rempits have the ability to stick onto their bike no matter what happens especially when they involve with an accident which actually ripped their bodies to shreds, we can still find their hands attached on the handles of the bikes like the sticky feet of the gecko. Also, this sticky hand ability is useful during hand-bag snatching and also hanging on their bike during races.

Deadman

Most rempits will perform this stunt at the end of their racing career. This is the most difficult and the only the most bravest Rempit can perform this stunt. (even the rempit king doesn’t have the balls to perform this). The Deadman stunt involves high-speed riding and then topples over the bike 760° and getting dragged by a truck on their belly until their intestines are all over the street. The most important thing is NEVER LET GO THE HANDLE OF THE BIKE if not the stunt is deemed to have failed. Sadly however, each rempit can only perform this stunt only once in their lifetime.

WOW!! Nice try, but this guy over here has failed the Deadman trick because he let go the handle of the bike. Oh well, better luck next time life.

Other Activities indulged by Rempits

1. Street Racing

The most popular of all activities. Each race involves gambling; with maximum bet of 5 bucks only because they are poor. However most of the time, they don’t have the money to bet so as a result, they bet with coke cans, marbles (guli), cigarettes butts, pubic hair and their bitches girlfriends.

2. Taking Drugs (actually, anything which makes them high)

Well, the term ‘taking drugs’ is very wide and we are not talking about ‘Heroin’ or cheap weed here because being poor rempits, the only drug they can ever afford is Panadol and in order to get high they must take the Panadol with Coke, which is totally out of their monthly budget. Therefore, rempits usually search for cheaper alternatives such as cheap glue-sniffing and sniffing cow-dung to make themselves high. (p/s: really, I’m not lying. At first I also don’t believe about the cow-dung thing until I interviewed this rempit guy, which I will post later in part 3)

this is the only kind of glue that a Mat Rempit can afford. However I really do not know how they get high on these.

3. 3R – Rempit, Rompak and Rogol (Ride, Rob and Rape)

Rempit’s MAIN objective in life. Ride, rob and then rape the poor victim. (Guys, if you are unlucky, you might get raped too by these sick gay rempits.) Rempits will 3R everyone they see if they have a chance. The famous notorious 3R rempit is the ‘Kampong Baru Molester’ who is a paedo-shit. This rempit will ride around certain area on his bike looking for young innocent little girls and ask them to search for his imaginary cats (which actually hidden underneath his pants) and then he molests the poor victims. Take note that this sick-shit was never caught. (and guess why?)

Further information of Rempit’s 3R activities can be found on local newspapers almost everyday, and yet no reasonable and workable measure was taken by certain bodies to curb these menaces.

*how can we normal citizens protect ourselves from these Rempits? Defense to Rempit will be posted at Part 3*

4. Gangbang

Rempits often indulge on random free sex between their herds. A partner of a rempit can be shared between every member of the herd. Even though some might argue that sex without protection is dangerous, but we must know that, Mat Rempits are impotent due to wearing tight jeans and riding on the bike whole day with their groin near a heated bike engine, (that actually fried up their balls you see) so there is no need for protection. Even in the event if their partner gets pregnant, they just gonna give birth to the baby and dump it in the toilet or a trash can. (Abandoned babies are common in the Rempit society) The common places where they engage in this activity are normally in abandoned buildings or at public toilets. Due to unhygienic area of their activities, 8 out of 10 Rempits have syphilis or herpes or both.

5. Lepak (sitting at shopping mall stairs)

The lepak trend, where Mat Rempits will take LRT or Monorail all the way from their homes and to shopping malls such as KLCC or Mid Valley just to sit at the stairways and serve as an obstacle to the public. Other than that, the other reason is they just wanna enjoy the air-con at the shopping mall entrance as they are too poor to install air-con in their own home, if they have one.

6. Shuffling at the Entrance of a Club

Being poor, they can never gain entrance to any club, so they will all gather outside the club as though they just went in and pretend to look cool by shuffling at the streets with the soft music echoing from the Club. Sometimes they will play the music from their phones and shuffle in shopping malls.

7. Making cheap 3gp format Porn

Nowadays on the internet, it is easy to find .3gp porn taken by handphone videos. All of them are made, acted and edited by Rempits during their 3R trips or gangbang activity in an abandoned building. (I guess this is the only good thing contributed by Mat Rempits, Local-made porn)

8. Singing in K-Box

If LALAs like to sing in GreenBox, Rempits like to sing in K-Box, a small box-like room with a small tv and 2 microphones to sing. Each song only cost 1 buck and if you buy 5 songs you will get 1 song for free. Normally, singing songs is not the only thing they do inside the K-Box. I’ll leave it to your imagination, (refer to activity 7).

Mat Rempit Hero

Every human in this world has a hero to look up to. Even for Mat Rempits, who are pseudo-humans too have a hero to look up to. Other than the Rempit King, the Rempit Hero is the great GHOST RIDER. If you ask any Mat Rempit what they wanna be when they grow up, 9 out of 10 will say that they wanna be Ghost Rider. However being a moron in nature they cannot differentiate between reality and imagination from a comic book. So sometimes we all can find Mat Rempits douse their bikes with kerosene and lit it so that they look like Ghost Rider’s Bike and this is the result:-

The famous Ghost Rider, acted by Nicholas Cage. (I kinda like this show)










the local Rempit's Ghost Rider...I mean what's left of it after Mat Rempits douse it with kerosene and stuffs.

Rzeznik's Research on the Mat Rempit Menace (Part 1)

Disclaimer – First of all, I would like to apologize for the delay of the release of this article due to unforeseen circumstances. It cannot be denied that this is indeed a dangerous job, however somebody gotta do it. Lastly whatever it is, I would put forward here:-

1. they are my personal friends;
2. they might look like you, speak like you, but its not you;
3. I cannot remember;
4. it is a coincidence.

Mat Rempit, or also known as scums on the road, or pests on the street, or asshole on wheels, but no matter what people call them, Mat Rempit still has a universal definition:-

R – Riders

E – Evolved from

M – Monkeys who are

P – Poor and

I – Idiotic

T- Teens

Mat Rempits, as the definition suggests, actually evolves from Pygmy Chimpanzee as it is known archaically, Pan paniscus. However after the evolution, Mat Rempits are better known as Pan Peniscus as for being the dick as they are on the road.

Generally, Mat Rempits due to the facts that they evolved from our fellow primates; they should have the same intelligence as our normal homo sapiens. However to our dismay, the word ‘Pygmy’ which means ‘small’ or ‘tiny’, from whom they evolved from, actually suggests the size of their brains. Therefore, often we find Mat Rempits have difficulty in reading road signs, speed limits, counting changes, understanding and listening to others and common reasonings. And thus we can find, that although numerous efforts has been applied by certain government and governmental bodies to nurture and educate them, such as rebranding them as ‘Mat Cemerlangs’, giving them jobs such as ‘Mat Skodengs’ or to ferry voters to the voting booth for the up-coming general election, seems to be futile even though in the western countries certain Pan Paniscuses are capable of doing maths and draw paintings after proper training and education.

Commonly, Mat Rempits are also poor from the economic point of view. Even though they have no jobs, they seem to have the money to modify their bikes with decorative gizmos which doesn’t add to the performance of the bike. So how do they have the money to own a bike in the first place one might ask? Throughout my research, I realized that majority of the Mat Rempits doesn’t own a bike i.e. purchasing bikes with their names written on the ownership card. Mat Rempits usually work very hard as a shop-lifter or cash-pincher on the streets during their non-biking days. Usually when they have collected enough money, (no, they don’t go buy a bike) they will go buy a parang so that they can rob other people’s bike. Once they own a bike, they will indulge into 3 categories of jobs, or commonly known as 3Rs. (Rempit, Rogol, and Rompak / Ride, Rape and Rob) and they even have a TV program for it showing on TV13.

If we look at the definition of Mat Rempit, Idiotic and Teens are linked together. Most Rempits aged from 13-26 and having the brain size of a pea, we can see them doing idiotic stunts on ‘their’ bike as though they have training from professional acrobats. However most of the time we find multiple unrecognizable bodies lying down the road where nobody comes forward to claim them and often, most of their bodies are used as cadavers in medical schools or as food to feed the tigers in the zoo.

Here’s an evolution chart of Mat Rempits.

They all started off as a young punk with helmets which later they receive their early training of bike-acrobats at the age of 12. By then, their inner “genetic defects” starts to show on their outsides. When they reach adulthood, they are a full-fledge Rempits where they can perform all sort of stunts which they were trained for. After their adulthood, they will split into 3 paths. 95% of the Mat Rempits will end up dead (Mat-I) by the roadsides. The other 5%, if they live long enough, their “genetic defects” will overpower their human disguise and they will eventually look like one of our evolution brothers.

The Rempit King

The most rarest of them all is the Rempit King. This fine and rare specimen can only be found on 1 country of the world only where one out of 1,000,000 rempits is capable of satisfying the condition to be chosen as the Rempit King. What are the conditions you might ask? The condition that needs to be satisfied in order to become Rempit King is based on pure luck. If a Mat Rempit is lucky enough to 3R (ride, rape and rob) a certain victim who just happens to be some country’s big-shot daughter and promise to marry her, the condition is satisfied and the Rempit King will gain powers such as promising subsidy for petrol to rempits and promising them jobs such as Mat Skodeng and also making sure that other minor rempits won’t be caught by the police for their crimes.

Rempit King’s favourite quote

“macam beruk-beruk di jalanraya” - “like chimps on the street” (referring to their fellow rempits)

Although certain bodies has condemned these rempits and even branded the Rempit King as “Beruk no.1” it seems that there is nothing we can depend on other than ourselves to protect us from this menace. (Defense to the menace will be explain in the later part of this article)

Other Hybrids of Mat Rempits

Mat-Skodeng

Legalized peeping-toms appointed and hired by certain bodies to spy on dating couples. Their favorite spots are usually KLCC and Bangsar. Although the main reason for their appointment is to spot and report lewd activities of the public, it seems that they prefer to record videos of the targeted couples with their handphones and share it with their friends and sell it in Pasar Malam with the title ‘Couple Bangsar’ or ‘KLCC Garden’.

Mat-I (mati)

A dead Mat Rempit. Commonly found along the main road. Do not stop and try to help them as they are already dead and just a mere carcass. Hopefully Mother Nature will get rid of them with bacteria and maggots.

Mat-Paypon

Mat-Paypons are Mat Rempits who hang out at pay-phones booth. Now, at this era where everyone owns a cell-phone, who the heck uses the pay-phone anymore? Well Mat Paypons does, because the handphones that they stole or robbed has run out of credits and they can’t afford to reload it and thus they have to use their hard-earned coins to use the pay-phones. Normally, because they are too poor to even have spare-change, they will often 3R the bypassers who wander too near to the pay-phones. (Please avoid pay-phones which are infested with these scums for your safety.)

Mat-Chat

A term used by LALAs when they see Mat Rempits on the road and asking them ‘watz ur problem ah?’

Mat-Salleh

A common misunderstood term. Mat-Salleh has nothing to do with Mat Rempits. Mat-Salleh is a term used for, preferably Caucasian foreigners by Malaysian Locals.

Mat-Rock

Rocker wannabes, however they do have some skills in their guitar performance. Commonly found performing at Central Market. They look filthy and have long bushy hair and they never wash their hair in their life.

Mat CibaiCemerlang

A legalized Mat Rempit, different name but the same asshole. A rebranding made by the Rempit King so that these minor Rempits can commit any crime and get away with it as long as they wave the country flag while riding. Currently being delegated to ferry aged voters to the voting centre for the up-coming general election. (hopefully the poor voters do not get 3R-ed while on the way back.)

Rzeznik was pwned by KFC (Kentucky Friggin Cheaters)

One day in the course of my research on rempits, I decided to stop to have my meal. Well I can tell you that I was friggin hungry on that day. That is when I ran into this sign board:

Yea, it suits me perfectly i.e. I do have a BIG APPETITE. So I went in and order that set and ready to feast in. When I open the box containing the burger, this is what I got:

When I look at it, I was like:

Where got big? Blardy hell the ramly burger I buy from the street is bigger that this piece of crap.

And I still remember clearly what I read on the star newspaper that the guy said this:

‘We call it Triple XL because it is really extra large,” KFC Holdings (Malaysia) Bhd Integrated Poultry & Food Manufacturing director Azizah Abdul Rahman said at the launch recently.’

http://thestar.com.my/metro/story.asp?file=/2008/1/10/central/19911205&sec=central

but what he DID NOT say is, its only ‘really extra large’ on TV and ads only. In reality, it is the same size as the cardboard on that damn KFC’s table and the meat is just a Zinger burger patty cut in half and put at both end of the bread so in the middle, its empty.

It really pisses me off when people got the testicle to lie on air and to everyone else in the world. Just look at that filthy smirk at this face, it makes me wanna go there and shove that burger up his ***

When recall the ad, I felt stupid and cheated and I have a feeling that a lot of people out there feels the same way too.

Just look at this picture, so damn much difference, and yet everyday more and more people getting conned by this guy. This really sucks. And even the ad put this:

And if you really have a big appetite, you will be better of with a 3 piece meal which actually contains more meat than that rip-off burger.

Further, what pisses me off even more is when I look at the ad, I notice there’s a tiny thin white line at the bottom which says:

And I was like “niamaga***#$$!@$%$#^” and why I didn’t notice that?

People, readers, please, don’t be like me. Don’t get conned by KFC.

Colonel’s secret recipe, 11 herbs and spices and the secret 12th ingredient

Now we all know that after the war, Colonel Sanders decided to sell chicks. And no consumer knows what exactly is that 11 herbs and spices. It’s a secret recipe as far as I know and I am not concern about that. What I am interested is the 12th secret ingredient that Colonel put into his food to make it so tasty and finger lickin good.

After having a talk with another blogger, he decided that he would hook me up with the secret. And I was shocked when I found out that the ‘secret’ ingredient was:

And I told myself, I never gonna eat at that place ever again.

Anyways, here’s a contribution from one of the people that I have interviewed. Thanks a lot Grunge, I will post the picture as you requested.

Rzeznik 'SAY NO TO CHARITY'

This is my first post in the Rant’s section. (Rzeznik’s rants is all the things that pisses me off during my research)

We all know that a good-hearted person will always do charity i.e. give money to the poor, the handicapped, the homeless, the sick etc. We also know that everytime we give some cash to these poor souls we feel damn great. Yeah, I mean really damn great because we felt as if we have done something noble and have the same status as a rich person like the Great Uncle Lim from Genting. (Ohh ima great person like this guy, I gave some money to this poor guy)

Here’s the deal, how the heck would we know whether the money that we gave will eventually goes to the needy? For all I know, all those money might just end up in some corrupted asshole’s man’s pockets.

I guess this scenario happens to everybody and thus I would like to share mine.

Monday 7 January 2008 (1300)

I was at this KFC restaurant eating this so-called damn big kfc triple x burger which is actually very tiny KFC burger (which is coming up in the next episode of Rzeznik’s Rants) when I was approached by this cute 16-17 year old mandarin speaking girl.

Girl: (in mandarin) Hello, sorry to bother you but could you spare me a few minutes?

RJ: yea, waddaya want?

Girl: Hi, I’m from this (enter some charitable name) society and I would like to ask whether you can donate some money to this centre.

Then she goes on showing me some pictures of some down-syndrome kids living in some ghetto dump with crappy environment.

Girl: As you can see, these kids very cham wan u know, they need help lo.

RJ: So whatchiu want me to do?

Girl: So if can you can donate some money to use lo, like 10 bucks enuff.

RJ: WTF?!!!! 10 BUCKS (then I looked at her suspiciously)

Girl: I know what u thinking, I not bluffing wan u know, u see I got these papers and newspaper cutting and our license saying that we are real charity collectors (and I haven’t say anything also)

RJ: Have you been to this centre girl?

Girl: Got, sure got wan la, I go there help everyday wan u know, I sit bus there and help wan ma, we must help these kids wan.

RJ: Where you from girl?

Girl: I’m from Bidor.

RJ: According to this paper, this centre is located at Skudai. You know where’s Skudai is?

Girl: Er..erm..

RJ: Skudai is at Johor. So you telling me that you go all the way from Bidor to Johor in a 6 hours bus ride to help out in this centre?

Girl: ……

RJ: You look like 16 17 years old, don’t you have school to go? You sure that this centre is genuine?

Girl: I’m not bluffing, u know hor, if we do good things god will know we do good things wan, its from the heart, dun care whether you know it will go to the children onot.

RJ: Its not about doing good things and god knows what, I just don’t feel like giving my money go some scam that has been going around preying on gullible naïve young girls like you which the money will end up in some scumbag’s pocket.

I can see that you feel cheated and all, but let me tell you this. If I am in your position, I’m gonna quit this scam and go home. You not getting paid for all these running around asking for money right?

Girl: *Nods* (man I can see tears in her eyes)

RJ: Look you think you doing a good thing by collecting money for these things but for all you know, this is just another scam run by some scumbags, you understand me right?

These people just preying on your sympathetic nature and needed some free labour in collecting money for them.

You go home and think about whether what I said holds water. And if you are smart, you would quit this thing before anything bad happens. You do know nowadays it is very dangerous for a girl like you walking around in the streets right?

Girl: *Nods* (I can see her face getting redder)

RJ: Look, tell you what, you go home, tell all your friends about this so that no people will be used in this scam anymore ok? If you do that, it will be a big charity work that you have done for everyone.

Then I finished up Coke and walk off. (Man I felt damn cool, like in some movie scene…on the other hand, I look as if I’ve just dump a girl)

As you can see, this is one of the many scams that have been going around in most main shopping mall. Places like 1 Utama, Mid Valley and Sungai Wang are their favorites spots. Most shopping mall’s management has taken action against these people and now they normally appear in LRT stations and bus stands doing their errands.

How to feel good after being scammed:

I dunno man, the only thing I can think of is lie to yourself that you have done something good and charitable and pray that hopefully the money really goes to the down-syndrome centre.

How to Avoid:

1. Shopping malls will provide a booth for authorized charity centre to collect funds. If they’re not in a booth, they’re not an authorized charity centre.
2. Pretend to not understand Mandarin/Cantonese or whatever language they’re speaking
3. Pretend to have no money.
4. if you really want to donate, go straight to the centre and donate there.

Other types of Scams.

The Bloody Thick-skinned Humiliation-proof Monk

These are worse than scums. They come as if they are devoted Buddhist monks from Thailand collecting money to build temples and stuff.

Their Scam: They will approach you looking as though they are exhausted walking all the way from Bangkok to KL and speak in some gibberish asking you to put some cash in their bronze bowl. If you’re lucky, they gonna give you an orange string or a nice bracelet.

How to feel good after being scammed: I notice that people gives 5 to 10 bucks and did not take the nice bracelet. Next time, give 1 buck and then take 2 bracelets as though you are buying the 2 bracelets for 1 buck.

How to avoid: in my research, this is what I found:-

1. Real Monks doesn’t go around asking for money to build temples. People will go to the old temple and donate there.
2. Real Monks doesn’t wear shoes, they go around bare-footed. And even if they do, they wear straw-woven sandals and not Crocs.
3. Real Monks doesn’t wear gold chains around their necks and Rolexes on their wrists
4. Real Monks can only ask for VEGETARIAN food from 9 am to 12 pm. No cash, no bak kut teh, no McDonalds. After these hours, they cannot go out begging for stuffs.
5. Real Monks doesn’t smoke weed and eat bak kut teh after asking money from you.
6. Real Monks doesn’t go to ‘Internet Cafes’ to play ‘Machine Kuda’ or buy 4D number from Toto or Magnum.
7. Real Monks doesn’t curse, swears and use profanities.
8. Real Monks doesn’t buy porn dvds at China Town.

The Forever Lost man

Their Scam: they will approach you with a sad face telling you a long story about they how they came here and got cheated bla bla bla and now they got no money to go home. Most of the time they will ask for 10 bucks to make a phone call, 50 bucks for a bus ticket home or 80 bucks cause they’re hungry.

How to feel good after being scammed: find the man and beat the living crap outta him then get back your money from him.

How to avoid:

1. Offer to bring him to the cops (if they’re really in deep shit, the cops will send him back for free.
2. Say “I thought I gave you 50 bucks last week to go home, why are you still here?”
3. Pretend to not understand what they are saying. (Me no speak Ingerrish)

The Mute-Deaf Man.

Their Scams: they normally approach you in fast food restaurants, place a key chain on your table, then walks off. After 5 minutes they will reappear and present you a card saying that they are mute/deaf/retarded and ask you to pay 20 bucks for the key chain. (which actually worth 1 buck)

How to feel good after being scammed: lie to yourself that the key chain is worth 20 bucks market price and you have done a charitable deed.

How to Avoid:

1. After they placed the key chain and walk off, take the key chain, hide it somewhere or keep it in your pocket. When they reappear, tell them that you did not see any key chain on the table. (this will prompt them to talk, they’re suppose to be mute/deaf/retarded remember?)
2. Ignore the key chain and continue eating your burger.
3. Pretend to be deaf/mute/retarded.

The Poor Stationary Granny

Their Scams: poor granny selling all sorts of normal cheap stationeries for a very expensive price telling you that she needs the money for her bypass, her grandkids, for food etc.

How to feel good after being scammed: again, its always about lying to yourself that you have done something charitable and you have help a poor granny

How to Avoid:

1. Don’t buy anything.
2. Send her to an old folk’s home offer to bring her to the local charity centre.
3. Ignore her.

A Guy with his Retarded Friend

Their Scam: poor ‘brother/parents’ bringing their retarded son collecting money from everyone down the street saying ‘TOLONG LA, DIA CACAT TAU’

How to feel good after being scammed: if you like ‘Fei Mau’ or ‘Ah Wong’ you wouldn’t mind being scammed by these people

How to Avoid:

1. ignore them.
2. pretend not to speak their language
3. pretend to have no money

Ok, it seems like I’m being cold-hearted here but hey, it’s my money and it’s up to myself to do anything to protect my hard earned money. I really hate these people who prey on other’s sympathy and kindness. All these people should die and go to hell, and then reincarnate into a retarded person so that they can ask for donation legitimately.

I hope what I have posted here helps, so people, the next time when you’re donating for charity, please find out whether you are really donating to the correct people, if not your funds will be wasted or be used to buy porn/crack or other stuffs.

p/s: I might have missed some other scams, so feel free to add on in the comments.

Rzeznik's research on LALA Plague Part 4

Well first of all I would to thank everyone who have read my articles, I appreciate all your comments as it motivates me to indulge deeper into the field that I love.

I would also like to thank Mr/Ms Fuck who has posted his/her/hiers comments as it serve as a good example for others to understand the LALA culture and I understand that you are pissed off because you can't have sex (don't worry, there are drugs that can help you). Also, you do not have to look for me as I know where to find you (Sungai Wang right?)

p/s: then again please continue reading my articles (READ & UNDERSTAND IT before commenting)

This part 4 is all about wrapping up all the whole article and thus I will put in some LALA jokes just for some laughs.

Lala joke 1

A lawyer, a Vet and a Lala were running away from a group of terrorists and came to a deserted warehouse. The lawyer saw some gunny sacks and thought that the they had no choice but to hide using the gunny sacks. So the three of them hid in the gunny sack and soon the terrorists came into the warehouse.

The Chief-of-explosive saw three suspicious looking sacks, went up to the first one with the lawyer hiding in it and kicked it. The quick thinking lawyer cried, "Meow, meow!". The Chief-of-explosive, thinking it was only a cat, went to the other with the Vet inside, gave it a kick, and the Vet cried, "Woof, woof!"

Again, the Chief-of-explosive was tricked and moved on to the third, gave it a kick, at which the Lala cried out, "K@n n1 na che3 by3, who kick me hah?!?!?! 0O0 ^^=p/gg =)!!! cum la 1 on 1"

Lala Joke 2

Ah Beng decided to start a business; an auto garage. He buy the best of car servicing equipment and manpower. Then Ah Beng waited that day for cars to arrive but no car entered their garage. Then he waited for 1 day, 2 days, a week for the car to arrive but no car came to their garage.

So Ah Beng called his friend and complain to his friend "I lonnoe why la no bisles one my mekenik sop". Then his friend asked "Why? Hong chui (feng shui) no good ar?".

Ah Beng instantly replied "What hong chui no good, my shop got nice number open at 8th floor lerrr!!!"

LALA Joke 3

One day, Ah Beng & Ah Seng were walking down the Chinatown when they saw something in their path. Wait!" cried Ah Beng. "Wat is tat huh?"

"Yah ho! Be carefool lo," warned Ah Seng.

"Wat is it?" They approached the thing and looked at it very closely.

"Eee look like shit lah!" say Ah Beng.

"Hmmm..... smell like shit also!" say Ah Seng after taking a deep breathe.

Ah Beng then poked the thing with his one finger, raised the finger to his lips, tasted it and said, "Tastes like shit!"

Ah Seng pushed his finger right through the thing and stick out his tongue to lick. With confidence, he said, "Confirm is shit!"

Then they smiled at each other, "WAH! Heng ahhh we didn't step on it."

The End

p/s: stay tuned for my next project 'Rzeznik's research on Mat Rempit Menace'