A Normal Straight Guy’s Experience in the Gym
Nowadays, healthy living is the next ‘in’ thing. Many people are very health conscious now. This may be caused by the increasing number of obese people in community which contributed to the number of fat cops in the force that makes them incapable of fighting crime.
The current government knows about the seriousness of this fat problem. That’s why they decided to raise the sugar prices so the people will not get fat with it. This is very wise and also they can save more money to buy submarines. Soon enough, they might just raise the petrol price so that the people will walk to work for cardiovascular exercise.
Having said that, other than eating less sugar and walk to work, to lead a healthy lifestyle, you gotta get your fatass to the gym. I do go to the gym. But sometimes I really do hate the people in the gym, especially their lying sales consultants and their “last day promotion” shit. They pisses me off so much that makes me feel like wanna do something which includes this:-
100% Alcohol
Which is commonly practiced by a pedophilic group to solve problems.
So now I shall explain a NORMAL STRAIGHT GUY’s experience in the gym to explain why I hate going to gym. Kindly note that some pictures shown here might be offensive and disturbing. If you cannot take it, then stop reading this article and go elsewhere.
1. Nudist in the Gym
Time to hit the gym. The Normal Straight guy goes to the locker room to change. He stripped down to his panties underwear. Suddenly he realized that someone is watching him. He turned and found a person is hiding behind the locker:-
Double You Tee-Eff?!
“Niamagahai” said the Normal Straight Guy. A nudist is peeping me.
Nudist is a bunch of people who thinks that it feels good to have the wind blow between their legs. (or you can read here)
Seriously, I have no problem with female nudist. They can be naked anytime they want. It’s the male ones that I’m worried about. It’s very disturbing to have something pointing at you when you change. Also sometimes, it may lower your self-esteem. You never know when these nudists might go berserk and rape you from behind or they might leak some liquid substance on the floor. Why the hell must they be naked and walk around the locker room? Do they have anything to show? Why the hell are they using the hair dryer between their legs? Why don’t they wash the lower part? What is that small tumor between their legs?
There are many questions running in his mind now. “It would be wise to ignore the Tarzan and go work out” said the Normal Straight Guy.
2. Obesticle in the Gym
After avoiding the nudist in the locker room, the Normal Straight Guy is now ready to do some warm-up cardio. He went to the cardio section just to find that all machines are being hogged because it’s peak hour. So he gotta wait for his turn as these people usually run for 1 hour. Then he realized that there’s this fat obese guy sitting on the cardio machine doing absofuckinglutely nothing.
I need another Big-Mac
Maybe he’s taking a break, he thought. However, he realized that the fat guy is not even sweating. He’s just sitting his fat ass at the cardio machine and hoping that he will magically burn enough calories for him to eat another doughnut.
“No wonder he’s so damn fat,” said the Normal Straight Guy.
As I mentioned in my previous article, I have nothing against fat people. The only thing is, they’re always put their ass as an obstacle for everyone else. If you dowanna do anything, then get your fatass home and stop wasting other people’s time. People like this will always turn into this during a zombie apocalypse:-
I also need another Big Mac too
3. Gym Freaks
After finishing his cardio, the Normal Straight Guy proceeds to the weights section to pump some iron. But then he realized all the weights are gone! He saw an abomination hogging all the weights and he looks like a giant gorilla. “Look at all the muscles” he squealed. The muscles are like bile growth which are about to explode.
Most of the time, these freaks will only train 1 part of the body, which is the arms. They will hog all the weights and do bicep curls so they can win the world arm wrestling championship. However their arms will look like this:-
There's a melon in my Arms
It looks like a giant melon being implanted into the arm. If a zombie apocalypse were to happen, they will change into this:-
These freaks normally take a shitload of steroids to look like that. But then they will deny taking it. I bet this guy did not take any steroids too.
Look at him, he got 8 packs. You can see all the muscle in a human body without using X-Ray on him. These are the ones that are smart enough to train their whole body. With the “supplements” that they are using, they are inconsiderate and will take all the iron and weights for themselves hoping one day they will become this:-
What I hate about them is not about them denying taking steroids. They can take all the ‘roids they want. The problem is they love to hog all the weights and throw it all over the place. Also they will occupy a machine and train 1 body part 1000 sets of the same exercise. Hey, other people wanna use the machine too you know. Just because you take steroids doesn’t mean you have special privilege over the machine.
By the way, just so you steroids freaks know, taking steroids will shrink your balls and turn you into a fegget. In other words, your body will stop producing testosterone (male hormones) and will produce more estrogen (fegget hormones). Then you will grow breasts, get emo, period and PMS. If you don't believe me, you can read here
Maybe your plan might go wrong and you will turn into this:-
4. Fucking Stinky Foot/Hong Kong Foot
After finishing his weights session, the Normal Straight Guy proceed to hit the showers and clean up. He changed into his towel and then a person next to him change too. The moment he took off his shoes, dogs within 5km radius starts to howl. A horrible stench seeps through the Normal Straight Guy’s nose.
“Oh my Tuhan!!” said the Normal Straight Guy cause he dowanna get molotovs thrown into his home. Is this a terrorist attack? Is this a chemical weapon? Is the Zombie Apocalypse really coming? And the boomer fat guy he met earlier puked:-
The Normal Straight Guy feels like dying. The smell seeps into his skin that it won’t come off even if he bathed 10 times a day for 10 years. Then he realized that the asshole next to him have a fucking stinking foot (FSF).
FSF is where a guy’s feet smells like salted fish plus shit marinated in period juice. This normally happens when the particular person is fucking filthy and lives his life like a pig. Or he’s just don’t change his socks. I mean WTF is his problem man? Is it so difficult to change a sock? How the hell he can even live his life smelling his feet everyday? If you read here , I have a feeling that he eats faeces for breakfast to have that kinda smell coming outta his feet.
5. Friendly and Lonely Gays
The Normal Straight Guy is getting ready to shower. Suddenly he has this feeling that somebody is doing a thermo scan of his body.
Then he realized that there’s this guy behind staring at him undressing. That person then comes forward and talks to the Normal Straight Guy.
The person is buff and he looks like he could beat up and rip the Normal Straight Guy’s body apart. He begins to speak, his voice sounded like a faggy sissy. His hand gesture resembles a boneless squid and he starts to talk about fashion and buttsecks. The Normal Straight Guy was told that his favorite movies of all time are Brokeback Mountain and Bruno.
Normal Straight Guy tried to be nice and start to have a decent, non-sexual conversation:-
NSG: so you workout here often?
GAY: (Undressing NSG with his eyes) Yea, I come here everyday
NSG: What workout do you do?
GAY: Oh, I do Pumping Bodies.
NSG: You mean Bodypump? (Realizing that today there’s no Body Pump class).
Do you use weights in that?
GAY: Ah yes, I mostly use body weight.
Then he starts to explain about body lotion and lubricant. He even recommends a method to cure constipation and to ease passing of motion. The Normal Straight Guy politely declines his offer and proceeds to the shower. To his dismay, the gay dude started tailing him…naked and suggests helping to scrub the Normal Straight Guy’s back.
I suppose many people have met with this kind of scenario before. May I suggest that, if you don’t have a chastity belt, it is better to shower at home. You do not wanna take the risk. You are worn out after work out. The showers do not have doors. They only have curtains. Further, your back is facing the shower entrance. These gays are surprising strong. They come to the gym to work out in the showers and not the weights section. When there are no victims around, they will have their “girly slumber party” in the locker room waiting for a weaken straight guy to come. Seriously, you don’t wanna get caught surprised from behind like this:-
Also, just do you know, the Body Pump mention above is not this:-
But this:-
So it would be advisable to just skip the shower and straight head back home.
