Rzeznik's research on LALA PLAGUE PART 3

LALA favourite past time are mostly:-
1. go to Sungai Wang to do nothing
2. 'sing k' i.e. sing karaoke at GREEN BOX
3. go to cyber cafe to play online games and dota
4. pretending to be a Japanese
5. spending time and money in a gaming arcade

1. Sungai Wang
The main/central building for LALAs, if you want to go for LALA hunting, this is definitely the place for you. If you simply throw an open net with your eyes close, you can easily catch 10-12 LALAs at one go

Although LALAs normally can be found anywhere in Sungai Wang, most of them will normally hang out at the 6th Floor which is their paradise. Any event or celebration of any LALAs will mostly be held here.






2. GREEN BOX

the place where LALAs will invest their money, time and life so that they will think that they have a chance to join Malaysia Idol, Lala Idol, Superstar, Do you think you can sing, I want to be a Model, Miss LALA International etc.
For them, if you can sing at GreenBox, you can be a superstar like Jolin Tsai and Jay Chou and then randomly select any English word as your name such as Apple Wong, Fish Yeung, Dinosaur Lee, Alligator Tan and Durian Lim


3. Cyber Cafes
Another LALA favourite haunt. Most of them will spend 23 hours in the cafe and 1 hour outside Mamak stall to eat. They return to their home once a week to bath after getting complaints from the cafe management because they smell like sweat and shit. Their favourite game are mostly O2JAM, Sohai Super Dancer Online, Ragnarok Online, LALA & AHBENG online and DoTA where they spent hours and days playing the same game and songs again and again hoping one day they might have a chance to make a career out of it
Normally to spot a LALA in online games is an easy task as their favorite nick would be:
1. MeIsNoob
2.DogLikepro
3.prolikenoob
4. IarePro
5. S3|ina/h3b3 and other C-pop artists' name
a) DOTA

DOTA or better known as Defence of the Ancients is one of the most played game for a LALA. If you don't play DOTA, you're not a LALA 'nuff said.

this is their MOST/BEST/ONLY favourite game. Because of this game, LALAs taken up English lessons to read the character's abilities. However, they only learn just enough to read simple words and not more, such as STUN, ULTI and STOP. Anything more than this will be ignored as though its not written there. For e.g. the word 'Juxtaposition' is a very extremely difficult word for them to pronounce so they will just substitute it with 'Skill 1'.

Here are more example of their translation of Dota skills and languages

Mask of Madness = 'Mek op Meknas'
Crystal Maiden = 'Kistal Mei ren'
Black King Bar = 'Bak Kim Bra'
Eyes of Skadi = 'Ice of Skai Dy'
Laguna Blade = 'Ulti'
Freezing Field = 'Ulti'
Rupture = 'Ulti'

TOP 10 MOST QUOTED LALA PHRASE while playing DOTA
10. i like u like? fast finish oooooooooo
9. mh!!!!!!!!! u mh (i think its maphack) when losing
8. noobhai (when winning)
7. tiu no teamwork (when died)
6. y u ks me? (when he did not get to kill)
5. u lose u diam diam lose
4. lose jor...we stay at fountain
3. b b b b b b b
2. y u lansi ah...ooo me lansi
1. CUM LA 1 ON 1

Other Hobbies.

1. Threesome On the Street

I don't know about this and i don't wanna get involve in any of this







2. Lick My Ear Clean


You can use your saliva as an alternative if u run out of hair gels











3. Selling Handphones

Lala: Harlow...ni wan buy my hp ma? ^^me wan money to buy hair gel











4. Selling DVDs

Hello fren...u wan buy sum dvd ma?

RJ: sorry, not interested







BOSS, any dvds, dvd u noe 3 star 5 star wan u noe

RJ: not interested man, Tai Jor Lo...Seen it, sudah tengok, get lost i wanna eat






Brand new DVD9 u noe...

RJ: i don't give a damn what dvd it is







u noe wat dvd9 is ah? nine, sembilan, jiu u noe noe?

RJ: i said i don't give a damn whether its dvd 9 10 or 11, i download movies from the net, why would i buy from u?






coz hor i gib free toy ma..u c u c...cute hor

RJ: get lost man, i dunwanna buy any DVDs from you, you paedo






The LALA ultimate goal
What is life if you don't have a goal to achieve, a LALA's ultimate goal is either to be a singer or actor. In my research I got some info of the next LALA movie that is going to come out:-

catch it, in the cinema near you


End of Part 3

Rzeznik's research on LALA plague PART 2

after interviewing lots of LALAs during the course of my research, i realize that LALAs can only speak various dialects of Chinese and nothing more. Some are capable of speaking and typing in English but their vocabulary are only limited to 4 letter words and words with 1 syllable, anything more will be too difficult for them to pronounce. Currently the only English words that they can pronounce/type without mistake is STUN, STOP and ULTI. Anything longer than these words will be shortened with unrecognizable abbreviations.

for e.g.
LALA A: 2day ha me xd ur 1 8 ak u noe (i don't know what the heck he's talking about)

LALA B: ez hor..u 1 2 do tis...u 1st dd..den sd...den gg lol

also, for LALAs the a single word has no boundaries of meaning such as the words 'GAY' 'NOOB' 'LOL'

LALA 1: u noe hor 2day i 'gay' this guy...so 'gay' u noe...den hor he 'gay' tis item...
LALA 2: aiya tis traffic light 'NOOB' la...so slow wan....aiya tis wan 'NOOB' toilet...kenot flush 1

LALA 3: dis is so LOL lo i tel u
RJ: do u even know what LOL stands for?
LALA3: aiya u tik i 2pid meh...LOL means L@ncau Onli Long

and here's more example:
LALA 4: i wan leaver liao late jor...u dowan liver meh?
LALA 5: if i r an hero ah.....
LALA 6: me father ah is defective (i think he meant detective)

in addition to that, most of the time, they are incapable of spelling right. Normally they will try to type it out with numbers so that they do not need to remember too many letters

LALA A: cre8 game lor....i w8 so 9ss de... (create game, i wait so nicely)

LALA B: fak...fuk....fark....fack....faaaak...
RJ: after so many tries, u still cant spell it right? come on man, thats the world's most easiest word to spell

some LALAs cant even type in English and thus, they resort to emoticons and gibberish to express themselves. I have translated some of their gibberish:-

=.= : this is how my face looks like when I can't read
o0o: is the shape of my 'equipment', the middle being the longer one, beat that
=.=": I'm trying to cover my rotten eye with my hair, but its not long enough
/gg: I dunno what to say, i just type it for fun
...: I have nothing to say but i just type these dots to show that I participating in the conversation
/swt: stands for Salty Wet Testicles because my testicle is sweating right now



Interviews:
Name: Faggot LALA 1 (FL1)

i have problems communication with this guy because he speaks very softly like a faggot and as usual the hair will be covering his rotten eye due to extreme usage of hair-gels. Notice he is acting cute like a faggot and trying to make a move on me, I have to restrain myself from assaulting him during interview.

RJ: good day FL1
FL1: harlow...ni hau..u tok hua yue ma?
RJ: i can but i would like to continue this conversation in English so that other people can understand us
FL1: nono le...me england no good...coz hor at skel last time me feil england wan ma...for wat lern england?...redbox also i no sing england song
RJ: why not learn how to speak proper English? isn't it an important asset for us as we need the English language to work in the real world outside
FL1:aiya....no ned le...i pro hua yue ma..me wok als no need england ma...
RJ: do you mind telling me what work doesn't need English?
FL1: yer...me play super-dancer-online n dota ma...i play eday u noe..no ned england wan me tel u

RJ: those are online games, not jobs...can you speak louder? anyways as far as i know, you need to type in english even in online games right?
FL1: yer me std england enuf lo..me awiz go forum pos many typing wan ma...u c tis forum (WWW.LALAFORUM.COM) ...ter ter i pos me pics hor n ask ppl rate me lo..i tel u ah...muz rate me gud u noe..if not hor i sad sad wan =.= ^^
RJ: WTF is =.= and ^^?
FL1: akceli me also duno wan...me c ppl use me ma use lo /gg
RJ: Now WTF is /gg? can you please speak louder? (really pissed off now)
FL1: me also duno neways dun care le...u rate me la...u c me suai onot?...how much u wan gime? 8/10?
RJ: -8/10 and i think you look like an idiot, thank you for your time (walks off)
FL1: YOR dun go la...rate me 1st le pls pls

later on due to my intense research i did visit the said forum (name has been changed intentionally) and i realized that their thread as 10 pages long. This is why:-

LALA 1: HaRlOw mE NaMe iS bInG-bLInG gAlZ...rAtE mIIII hOX...Miuax MuAx...GuD o bAd aLzO nVm

LALA 7: OOOOOOO ME 1ST TO POST HEHEHEHE!!!!!
(RY: if nothing to post then don't post, LALAs like to post nothing just for fun)

LALA 2: Ư ۷ẼŗŸ Q le!!! i gib u 9/10

LALA1: nO lA pPl SaY mE uGlY o (laughing herself..oo i am damn pretty..ppl say i'm cute)

LALA3: wow so prittee ooo vvelli cutezzzzzz 10/10 (i think its herself pretend tobe someone else)

LALA1: No lA pAiSeH lA Mi NoT pReTi Le 10qqqqqq hoX

and this list continues until like page 5...and then

RJ: You look like deformed hamster with heavy paint makeup -5/10

LALA1: hAr!!!!??!1 Y u SaY mE hAmSTR hAh...I pReTi N Q u nOe...Y -5 So LoW...SiAo...u c other ppl say me cute and leng lui....

p/s: its tiring trying to type like her

LALA6: u dun lik hor u dun cum ere le...post ur pix lor..... knnccb

LALA 7: *quotes everyone's posts* =.= swt(again, nothing to post they just quote other's post and add some gibberish in the end just to make their post looks long)

and then the same cycle continues :- you are pretty, no i'm not, you're cute, no i'm not...

it's clear that LALA floods the internet with these offensive pictures with hope that people will try to tell them that they're pretty or good looking. Eventhough they said that they will accept any comments whether good or bad, one must note that they only accept GOOD comments so that they could lie to themselves and bad comments will either be flamed or ignored.

END OF PART 2

Rzeznik's research on the LALA plague PART 1

(Disclaimer: after conducting a long research and many interviews and also gathering sources, i have suffered mental and emotional breakdown and injuries due to disturbing pictures and videos
Any pictures here are fictional and even if it clearly resembles someone in real life, it is just mere coincidence.
And if you can't take the impact from this very graphical images, please by all means proceed with care)

in my latest article, LALA here is not clams or any other seafood










not this
















nor this













but THIS kind of LALA











LALA is a abbreviation for Lonely And Looney Ahbeng/Ahlian (depending on their gender, use whichever appropriate) which partially explains the many weird things they do in life.

LALAs can usually be found in Sungai Wang Plaza (mostly on the 6th floor) or alternatively Berjaya Times Square. If any normal person enters these 2 buildings, they will feel as if they have entered into another world as LALAs have weird fashion sense. For them, fashion is like 'ROJAK' (mixed fruits with everything and anything in it) where anything goes from all eras. Currently their mixed fashion are pumpkin pants from medieval English renaissance era (the pants Hamlet/Mickey Mouse wore)


and wearing black and white striped socks and shirts (prison t-shirts) and aprons. Sometimes they will add on a tie but they have no idea on how to tie one.










sample of a LALA, without ties and aprons but the most important thing is the STRIPES


to make matter worse, female LALAs often put on EXTRA HEAVY make-up to cover up their face so that they will look more photogenic as most of them are cam-whores i.e. they will take 20 of the same pictures with the same poses (heads down with eyes looking up, puffing their mouth and the finger pose)








example of different poses of the same person when cam-whoring (notice the stripes is a must)

As for Male LALAs, they don't really care about their dressing but the most important thing in the world for them is their HAIR

Male Lala will wake up as early as 6am in the morning just to set up their hair so that they can go to Sungai Wang later just to stand there doing nothing or 'SING K' i.e. visit redbox karaoke. They invest their hard earn money on hair gels/wax/clay/cum/glue/whatever sticky just so that they can have anime-anti-defying hair or just to look like a faggot.




example of hair-enhancement
1 tub per day, different colours for different days



the results :-





this poor guy spent all his money on hair gel, now he got no money to buy any clothes







example of extreme usage of hair gels (3 tubs) and poor mixing of fashion

for them, nothing is too expensive when it comes to hair









side effect of using too much hair-gel -rotting eye-
all male LALA uses their hair to cover up their one rotting eye, but now most of them looks like faggots.







-end of part 1-

Day 6 of workout

usual 30 mins HIIT cardio

3x15 flat bench press
3x15 decline bench press
3x15 incline bench press
3x15 close grip DB press
3x15 DB flies
3x15 machine flies

couldn't continue anymore for abs workout, felt asif my body is falling apart

Day 5 of workout

this Day 5 of workout is a full-body workout

30 mins HIIT cardio

Weights
3x15 bench press
3x15 military press
3x15 lat-pulldown
3x15 shrugs
3x15 side-bends
3x15 crunches
3x15 overhead side bends
3x15 weighted crunches
3x15 leg raise

Day 4 of workout

Normal HIIT cardio 30 mins

Weights
3x15 Shoulder press
3x15 Military press
3x15 Reverse Flies
3x15 Front Lateral Raise
3x15 Side lateral Raise
3x15 Shrugs

Rzeznik's article on THERE'S NOTHING WRONG IN WATCHING PORN

the main question is, WHAT IS WRONG WITH WATCHING PORN?
lets imagine that you are going out with this girl and you told her 'you know what? yesterday i just watch this show white and the 7 dwarves hardcore and i'm telling you, midgets got huge cojones'

at this point, 1 of 3 things might happen
1. she will bitch-slap you
2. you wont be talking to her for a VERY long time
3. you earned a PHD label (Perverted Horny Dick)

as much as we know, girls despise guys who watch porn (well most of the girls i know does) and I know some of the reasons for this

1. if you watch porn, you're a rapist/paedo/psycho-pervert/sicko etc
2. by watching porn, you have a high percentage of committing despicable crime against them (for e.g. surprise sex)
3. porn is illegal in some areas of the world, having some means you are a criminal

OK, so i know many people watch porn for the wrong reasons, however if we look at this situation on the other perspective we can argue that adult watch porn for the same reasons as kids watching Barney & Friends and Sesame Street i.e. TO LEARN

http://www.insideedition.com/ourstories/inside_stories/story.aspx?storyid=536

click the above link and you may find an article explaining that MANY women in the world are not satisfied with their partners. Why? we may ask. The answer is simple, because their partner doesn't know what the heck they are doing half the time on bed.

Most of the time, it is just pump it til' i'm satisfied (man, we sound like animals with Nike moto-just do it-) where's the love? where's the passion? the pleasure on both sides? Well i know that doing 'special project' in bed is not just about psychical actions, it involves more than that, emotionally and spiritually.

Due to this phenomena, we find problems in marriages such as adultery, keeping mistresses, husband coming home late smelling like Paris Hilton's heirness, husbands got no interest in getting it on with the wives, finding professional 'service' providers and in the course of conducting my survey i find many interesting quotes from various individuals :-

Mr A: I felt as if i'm pumping a rubber doll

Mr B: Veronica gives me the best s** ever
RJ: But you wife's name is Mary-anne

Mr C: mah momma always tell me that s** is like a box of chocolates, it always tastes better if you pay for it

Fernando: call me now for real passion, anxiety and pleasure 1-300-xxx-xxx

So wives have to resort other things like faking orgasm just to satisfy their partner (yes i know men are selfish creatures) but how about their feelings? their pleasure? don't anyone care about them? Ladies, ask your partner 'do you know where's my g-spot is?' I can tell you that, if they didn't watch porn, the only g-spot they know is your belly button which is actually your gravitational spot and you most probably didn't know what the heck G-spot is if you didn't watch porn too (i can bet 500 bucks that your school's science textbooks doesn't tell you what it is)
this problem leads to many divorce cases due to unsatisfied sex life or wives having affairs and stuff. Furthermore they even have a drama about it (Desperate Housewives)

So you see, some men watch porn to learn how to satisfy women like children learning ABC by watching Barney, or student learn by watching educational videos, or musician listening to recordings to learn how to perform on stage
People don't teach these things in school, some countries ban these materials, so where can we find these 'educational' and inspiring materials?
So by watching porn, men learn more about body anatomy, emotional ultimate pleasure, sensitive pressure points of the body, how to trigger off sensational feeling of passion, stimulate hormone reaction etc

So now

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRgNOyCnbqg

this songs explains it all

Yes i know some people might misuse these materials but hey, everything is misused nowadays right? Drugs, medias, weapons of mass destruction just to name a few. But of course we must also set a limit on how much we can learn from porn. I have a friend who watch so much that he now have to resort to more 'inspiring' videos (beastiality, SM, Granny) and now he seems tobe immuned to normal porn/normal people and normal

Well, we all know that too much of anything can be hazardous and like i mentioned above, we must set a limit on how much we learn from porn. Therefore there is absolutely nothing wrong in watching porn if we do it for the correct reason.

So ladies, the next time if you caught your partner or any other guy watching porn, please don't slap him, label him or anything, just remember that the reason why he is watching it is because he is trying to learn how to satisfy you.

Rzeznik Janczyk

Day 3 of HIIT

today is BACK day so its all about mah back

HIIT cardio
the usual running thing

Weights
3x15 low-row
3x15 lat-pulldown
3x15 barbell rows
3x15 hyper extention
3x15 deadlifts
3x15 shrugs
3x15 machine pullovers

3x15 overhead side bends
3x15 leg raises
3x15 crunches

what i ate today
morning - total nutrition drink + papayas
lunch - chicken rice
dinner - home-cooked stuff
after workout -strawberry protein drink
10.00pm - oatmeal + milo

Day 2 of HIIT

Day 2 isn't much difference but due to insufficient time, i have to cut away a few workouts

HIIT cardio
10 mins brisk walking
5x1 min sprint and 1 min walk
10 mins brisk walking cooldown

Weights
3x15 incline bench press
3x15 over-head side benfs
3x15 side bends
3x15 sit-up

1st day of extreme HIIT workout

ok, as i stated earlier, ima fat-ass and the truth is, i don't wanna be one
i joined this gym for 2 years and i guess i have reached my plateau so now i will have to put more effort in cutting and dieting
most of the time i would seek advise from 2 of my good friends Tjun and Grunge and also read articles from Bodybuilding.com

this is a new program i starting this week plus a new diet plan and a 'more' healthier lifestyle

Monday
HIIT cardio
10 mins brisk walking
5 sets of 1 min sprint and 1 min walk
10 mins brisk walking cooldown

Weights
3x15 bench press
3x15 incline bench press
3x15 decline bench press
3x15 close-grip dumbbell bench press
3x15 dumbbell flies
3x15 machine flies

3x15 overhead side bends
3x15 side bends
3x15 weighted crunches
3x15 sit-ups
3x15 reversed crunches
3x15 pull-ins

and the things i ate on Monday was
before workout - oatmeal with milo and total-nutrition drink
after workout - strawberry protein shake
lunch - curry noodle
2 hours after lunch - fruits
3 hours after lunch - fruits again
dinner - vegetarian food (that day was my vegetarian day)
1 hour after dinner - more fruits

well it seems like i almost eat 10 times a day

Rzeznik Reloaded

Ok, it's been like what? 2 years since i last posted in this blog
So now i'm back and this time i'm gonna be more systematic and efficient
I'm gonna start by explaining how this blog goes
1st, there will be some categories
1. Rzeznik's Reviews will be anything about movies, games, music and other stuff
2. Rzeznik Revamped - ok, ima fat-ass so this is about my workout training and how much effort that i have put in
3. Rzeznik's Ramblings - this is the main blog about anything and everything
4. Rzeznik's Rants - is about all the shitty things that i find in this world