10 Signs That You've Voted for the Wrong Government
People always make mistakes. Sometimes, especially in places like Bolehland, the mistake you make may prove fatal as we all know that it is taxing to stay in Bolehland. Since some people are too stupid to know whether they have made any mistake or not, here I will list down 10 signs that show that you have made a mistake in voting.
(just to clarify things here, I side no particular government and all pictures shown here are from reliable sources of the Internet. If you don't like it or you've learned English in Bahasa Kampung, DO NOT read this article and go be stupid somewhere else)
10. They Laugh at you for voting them...AGAIN!!
wakakakaka...they voted for us again lolz
9.They live in Palaces, You live in Pig Sties.
8. The Guy you voted for acted like a Monkey
7. They stabs you in the Back...Through your ASS!!
poke it through the ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!
6. They provide you with Scholarship and Counseling after that.
5. You voted a person just to let him sleep in Parliament
4. They are just that DAMNED rude
pukimak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
huuuuu ade nyamuk bocor la
3.They Eat Carcasses off the Ground
ima gonna eat this cow head right here, right now. 'Take' me some BEEER!!!
Firstly, i would like to say that i have nothing against fat people other than they eat alot and smells. Second, the picture above has nothing to do with this article, it just that, that is a friggin huge burger and that fat guy is eating that "thing", so i just wanna post it up here. (Damn, I feel fat by just looking at that guy eating that burger).
Again, i emphasize here that i'm not "ultra-vires"ing (Utusan term for insult) any fat people out there. Another thing that I really hate are the Obese Obstacles or commonly known as Obesticle. These 'gifted-light-weight challenged' people was previously used as tank traps to block tanks from advancing during WWII.
To block Tanks
But now, most of these obesticle are recruited into Bolehland police force to make road block to collect coffee money and cause traffic jams.
However, the ones who did not get drafted into the force are left to fend for themselves in the wilds. I suppose that you have encountered one before. There...that wan ah... when you're walking in a shopping mall, suddenly this fat-bitch in front of you suddenly stop, and block the whole goddamed line starting from you onwards until 5 miles behind. Now that's an obesticle.
Another situation is, when you are rushing somewhere and you run up the escalator, but alas, your path was being blocked by this huge boulder of a lard obesticle which is so wide that it blocked the whole fucking escalator. Then you'll go like "OMFG!!!" and you were late for your job interview. Gee, thanks alot you Obesticle.
Sorry, you gotta use the other way, i'm too fat to move.
Obesticle also sometime hang out in the gym thinking 1 day they will be thin. The problem is, none of them have ever become thin cause the only thing they do in the gym is just hanging out and not exercise. So most of the time, they will just sit down on a machine and be an Obesticle there doing absolutely nothing. No one else who wanna be thin or gay can use the machine cause all this fat-ass are all over the machine. Look, if you don't wanna work out, go be fat somewhere else la Obesticle. You can't be thin by sitting on a machine all day.
Seriously, if you Obesticle have nothing else better to do in life other than be an obstacle for other people, why don't you just go to the nearest Carl's JR and get a friggin burger to eat. These's nothing wrong in being fat, but if you intend to be an obesticle, you can go be fat somewhere else or make a video venting out your anger cause you're fat like this one:-
4. Lazy Liftees
Sorry, no place, we're doing up and down Actually, there's nothing wrong of being lazy. In some countries, such as Bolehsia, they even constitutionally declare their people to be lazy and live their life sucking off riches from other people and claim that it is their god-given right. But the thing is this, if you wanna be lazy, just stay at home. Don't go out. Put your fat ass on the couch and start eating your Pringles.
Lazy people who leave their home tend to cause trouble to other people. Like taking the lift.
Have you ever wonder why the hell the elavator/lift takes so god-damned long to come? And when it comes, it's packed like a tuna can and the lifts says going down. But you're going up, so you let it go and wait for the next one. But then the next one arrive, its the same fucking people packed in it, and this time it's going up. Then you must be wondering why the hell these people are going up when they are going down?
The answer is, they're just too farking lazy to wait for the lift. I mean, the most easiest thing to do in your life is wait, cause you just stand there doing absolutely nothing, not even burning calorie. Even an obese people can wait, but noooooooooooooooooooo, these people decided to cram in the already crammed lift for god knows what reason. To me, the reason they do this is:-
1. they scared that they can't get into the lift
2. they too fucking fat to take the escalator
3. they wanna get into a crammed lift and grab someone's butt
4. they are constitutionally declared lazy
Another Lazy liftees are those who take the god-damned lift to get up 1 floor. I mean, wtf man, your ass is so damn fat that you can't climb up 1 flight of stairs to get to another floor? You have to cram your fatass into the tuna can lift, farting along your way with your body odour or your stink perfume, just to get up 1 floor. No wonder you're fat. And if you're not fat, you just plain lazy. As usual, you can go be fucking fat or lazy somewhere else.
5. Pundek Politicians
(no pictures shown here cause I might get caught under some retarded acts. But you guys know who I am talking about)
Just to clarify that this article has nothing to do with real life persons. If you really think i'm talking about you, it't not you, and please don't send C4 to me or anyting else.
"Poli" in latin means "many" and "tics" means "blood-sucking creature". So I suppose you guys know what politics means.
We all know, politicions in Bolehsia are assholes. They talk cock all the time, tell lies, make empty promises and are damn fucking corrupt. They can bring their maids and make "technical visit" to 3 different Disneylands, buy a Mercedes Benz S-class, send their childrens overseas so they can drink Heinekken bear or make a porn dvd.
And the best thing is, the tax-payers are paying for all their shit. Everytime they screw something up like "some free trade zone in some port", the tax-payers have to pay for all the shit. They will cover up those screw ups with some retarded reason like "act of god" or "the money just vanish" or "the country must do that if not the country wil bankcrupt" and expect the people to buy it. Then they will raise the petrol price, sugar price, Barang Naik everything, but only Salary not naik.
To make things even worst, most politicians in Bolehsia are retarded and lowly educated. Some just graduated from standard 6 by failing UPSR and now holding some post in Education. Some one's wife just blast off some bitch from other country and granted herself with 2nd Lady post and he gets to be the most powerful man in Bolehsia. Some even have kiddy porn in their laptop and there are so much things to list it here until this blog can't support their crap, for example, some farking Toyol living in Selangor siphoning money and shit.
Some claims that money politics is not a form of corruption. If money politics is not a form of corruption then what does it constitute? Duit Kopi? Duit Rezeki? Duit bapak ko?
God-damned it, i don't even wanna continue writing this part of the article cause it's giving me high blood pressure and heart attack. (another reason is that i might get caught under ISA, OSA and all sorts of other As.)
Today it's gonna be a rant article so Ima gonna rant about the things that I hate. First of all, I hate this blog format as it always fucked up my posts. Anyways, please be reminded that:-
and if you think I'm talking about you, perhaps I am. If you don't like it you can go be retarded somewhere else.
There are many things that I hate in this world and most of it seems to come from retarded people. The thing is, I have no problem with retarded people as long they keep the hell outta my sight. Some people thinks it's cool to be stupid and this is where all the problems comes from. The things that you come across in this article may be trivial to you, but when you come to face them, most probably you will hate them too due to the inconvenience that they caused.
1. ATM Assholes
ATM Assholes in front
Do you ever wonder why when you need to get some cash at the ATM, you realised that there a friggin long line, as long as making a passport at Bolehland. On average, an ATM transaction normally takes 5 minutes unless you're trying to press out 12.5 billion. However sometimes, you realised that that Asshole in front takes like 1 friggin hour to get the machine to dispense his god-damned money.
How many hundred billion you're trying to press out? So i decided to ask an ATM asshole and find out what is taking him so long.
Typical ATM Asshole: ask me how to ATM
Akcheli i wan to press out 200 bucks je - then why the hell you need 1 hour to press out 200 bucks?
hah? 1 hour oledi ah, cause i did this la :-
1. 1st I put my card in, then I press English, but then, i learn English in Bahasa Kampung, so i dunno how to read. So i cancel the transektion.
2. Then i put my kad back in again and press BM, this time after i press my pin, i check my akaun balance to see how much i got. Then i cancel the transektion again cause i tak caya sama tu machine and repeat this step 3 times to comfirm.
3. After 3 times, i sedar that the machine is right, i dont have 200 bucks, i only got 50 bucks so i press out 10 bucks from my account 1st.
- but i thought you need 200 bucks, then why don't you press out the 50 bucks straight?
Yala, but i sked the machine cheat me mah, so i press out 10 bucks 1st la.
- like that then you need to press 5 times to get the 50 bucks right?
Ya ya, cause at home i have to bini to press, so i come here press machine.
4. Repeat step 3, 3 more times to get 40 bucks in total. (cause you can't leave your account empty)
5. then i must check my balance to see how much i got left. (repeat step 2)
6. After the transaction, i sked ppl see my pin number, so i change my pin.
7. But then, the person behind me maybe see my new pin, so i change back to my old pin.
8. Tetapi, the cctv on top maybe can see my old pin again, so i change again the pin to confuse him (repeat step 7)
9. then i collect all the receipts from the above transactions and throw it on the floor.
There, cause of 1 asshole, 1 simple transaction wilch normally takes 5 minutes become 1 hour, causing 30 people lining up at the ATM machine. Godammit, if you so damn paranoid, why don't you keep the money up your ass, I'm friggin sure that nobody gonna try to take it from you.
2. Douche Drivers
One of the many things that i hate the most other than rempits and idiots in the parliament are these douche drivers. Most douche drivers are motorphiliacs and/or retards who just got their driving license. Sometimes, douche drivers consists of women drivers who have nothing else better to do in life other than give problems to other road users. Other than retards and women drivers, old senile drivers are sometimes included within the definition of douche drivers, these so called "veteran" drivers thinks they are retired F1 racers and just cause they're old, they think that the whole world owe them their lives and should "tolerate" their half wittiness. Well listen up old man, if you want tolerance, you can get lotsa them at the old folks home and leave the real world and its road alone.
Female Douche Drivers
I have nothing against women, as long they are hawt and pretty like Megan Fox. The problem lies at the moment they cause problems on the road. If you wanna drive slowly, you drive at the slow lane, not the fast lane. The fast lane is for the REAL drivers to drive. When the sign shows 100km/hour, you drive 100km/hour, if you wanna drive 50 km/hour, you might as well go to the arcade and play Hello Kitty vs Mario Kart, cause you can't handle Initial-D Stage 5. Because of drivers like you, many people go to work late due to all the traffic jams that you have caused.
Also, the Yellow Crossed Box on the middle of an intersection means "do not stop inside the box", so if you know that you can't fucking reach to the other side, then wait for the next traffic light. Don't just cramp in there and block the whole friggin world and hope that people will forgive you just because you have big boobs. You have just caused a freaking jam you beetch.
Note that Pink car? The Jam causer.
In addition to that, when people put the left/right signal or the hazard light, it means that we wanna move to right or left. If you dowanna give way, just step on the gas pedal and over take us, The light doesn't mean that we want you to drive next to our car so we can wind down our window and try to hit on you. It's dangerous cause you might hit on other ppl...with your car.
Further, Female Douche Drivers (FDD) sometimes causes jams in shopping mall car parks. Look, the shopping mall have 10000000 parking lots, you DO NOT need to park exactly next to the entrance. It's not like you got a friggin fat ass to drag or you have problem walking. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG with parking your damn car at B3. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY no reason for you to stop at the entrance of the 1st floor parking basement and wait for other customers to leave so you can take their place. THERE IS NO REASON for you not to walk a few extra steps as it will burn some calories off your bitchy ass. If you really dowanna walk, why don't you just use the valet parking. If you can afford to buy a 4 thousand bucks LV Bag, then you can afford to pay for the valet parking.
Male Douche Drivers
The main problem with Male Douche Drivers (MDD) is that they behave like Female Douche Drivers (FDD) because they always drive as though it is that time of the month. (read above)
Usually they drive around down with their fake cars like Wiralution or Wajalution and also Perterna and pimp it up to join Pimp My Ah Beng Ride. If you have that kinda money to pimp up your car, why don't you just get a real Evolution Lancer or Eterna and skip all the retardedness. Isn't it already wasteful enough that you invested lotsa money on your hair? Does putting that retarded wing on top of your car can make you fly?
Hrm, what more can i add to pimp my car...and my hair
Putting that aside, the problem of them being a douchebag is that they think that they are Initial-D drivers. Why you may ask. This is where the problem lies. Usually people will spend some money to take driving lessons before taking the exam and get a legitimate car license. But these MDD, they prefer to take all the money and go to the arcade and play Initial-D. After they think that they are good enough to drift like mad, they use more money to buy a illegal car license, hence explains why they have such a tough time parking sideways.
In their mind, "ima drift king, ima gona drift the whole KL road". Reality check, the roads in KL are always JAMMED, full of POTHOLES, SPEED BUMPS, SPEED TRAPS, REMPITS and "saya nanti rasuah members". Also, drifting takes a toll on your car and your tyres which means you Ah Bengs need to squat on the road side to beg for money or call your tow-man who actualy drives a merc, thanks to your contribution.
Aiya, have to call tow man liao la
Most of the time on the main road, this is what MDD usually do:-
Here is a typical normal Bolehland road where I will try to to go to the 1st lane.
This is where I obey the rules by putting the signal lights
Look, if you wanna go to the 3rd lane, why don't you just go behind me? Why must you waste petrol to accelarate and drift to the other side? Why do you believe that your balls will melt away? Why are you retarded? What are those neon light blinking on your retarded car? why why why, so many questions, so little time, cause you have already meet up with a motor vehicle accident.
Of course, since Bolehland, being such a back-ridden country could not afford to produce those awesomely cool special effects like heads crushed by the weigh machine in the gym or being toasted to death in a tan-machine, the most famous way of dying is by SUDDEN DEATH. Sudden Death means died suddenly, of which I don’t quite understand how a person could “died suddenly”. If people could “died suddenly” so easily, why don’t those rempits “died suddenly” also?
Let’s us see the different methods of Sudden Death that you can only find in Final Destination - Bolehland.
Sudden Death – in Police Custody
Being a good citizen in Bolehland, it is our upmost duty to assist the cops in their investigation to “reduce crime rate” of which until now, is still rising. We’ll never know when we’re gonna get raped, or robbed. But don’t worry, if really you get raped, you can always go ask for scholarship from one of the Government Departments and also counseling session for your trauma.
Anyways, every time a crime is committed, the cops is always able to catch the suspect, and the suspect will miraculously confess to his sins and shit as though the moment he step in the police station, he found his salvation and confess to all sins (whether or not he actually commit it is irrelevant). I don’t know why, but this video kinda gives me a rough idea to it.
Well having said that, always, during the confession, the suspect will “suddenly died”. Even though the body has bruises, lacerations, branding, and other stuff, the cops will say “after he confesses, he died. I think god get to him before us (while kicking the body)”
The Kugan case is one of the many famous examples of “sudden death”. Other than that, we have this “sudden death” in the toilet:-
The information we got from the cops were “dia pergi berak, tiba-tiba dia mati. I tak tau cam mana dia mati, maybe taik sumbat kat buntut…alah, u tau la act of god”
Then why does the body has bruises and stuff? – Dia ‘sudden death’ ma, sudden death memang la ade injury. Masa dia datang dia sudah cam ni.
As usual there is “no foul play” because they all do it by the rules of the lock up, so no foul. Then it will be followed with NFA which means No Fucking Further Action (read we don’t give a fuck). And don’t even think about reporting to anyone.
Another example is the detainee almost “suddenly died” from drinking thinner. Most probably the cops plan to serve him with 7-up, but didn’t know that it was thinner or thinner is usually found in the interrogation room just in case to remove any “red paint” stains.
Sudden Death – in National Service
In NS or commonly known as National Sacrifice Service, every year many young fresh high school student will be drafted to join this “service” which actually teaches you nothing but how to commit crime such as rape and rob, and not to mention making porn in 3gp format.
There, they don’t teach you how to use weapons, but they only show you a weapon. Most of the time you waste your time marching and try to peep into the girls camp. Also there are numerous “sudden paranormal possession” and sudden riot just because of a cigarette.
Every year, people dies in NS due to sudden death more than actual war-service. Sudden death in NS includes food poisoning, building collapse, suddenly disease and all sorts of act of god. Here are some examples:-
2004
Awang Mohd Fazil Awang Borhan, 17, attached to Kem Simalajau, Bintulu, Sarawak. Died on 23 April in a drowning accident. He had been swimming with 36 other trainees at Sungai Cina, Matang, Kuching, Sarawak.
T. Saravana, 18, attached to Kem Ethnobotany, Gua Musang, Kelantan. The trainee from 1614A Hospital Quarters, Taiping, Perak drowned while picnicking at Sungai Taman Wangi, Gua Musang, about 3 kilometres from his camp, with 250 trainees and 10 trainers.
2005
Nurul Ashikin Karino, 17, attached to Kem Shan Sui, Tawau, Sabah. Died on 14 May after being injured during training. Karino Jalani (father of the deceased) claimed that he was not allowed to meet his daughter who fell and was injured as part of a training accident.
S. Theresa Pauline, 17, attached to Kem Karisma, Kuala Pilah, Negeri Sembilan. Died on 11 June after being admitted to the hospital on 23 May due to having fits. Her death was attributed to viral meningoencephalitis. Her father, S. Sarimuthu was paid RM 32,000.[18]
2006
Haziq Jaafar, 17, attached to Kem Padang Hijau, Kluang, Johor. The trainee from Kota Tinggi, Johor, died after a fight with another trainee at Kem Padang Hijau.
2007
Teng Shian Shen, 18 attached to Kem Pasir Panjang, Port Dickson, Negri Sembilan. Died two weeks after being asked to return home from her training at the Pasir Panjang due to breathing difficulties.
Ili Ameera Azlan, 17, attached to Kem Ayer Keroh, Ayer Keroh, Melaka. Died on 18 January at Malacca Hospital, after suffering breathing difficulties.[19] The parents were paid RM 35,000.
Prema Elenchelian, 18, attached to Kem Kisana Beach Resort, Pasir Puteh, Kelantan. The trainee from Kajang, Selangor, was found unconscious in a toilet at Jeram Linang (0230 hours) on 1 March. She was taken to the Tengku Anis Hospital where she was pronounced dead. Prema's death brought to 12 the number of trainees who have died since the programme began in 2004.[20]
Mohd Rafi Ameer, 18, attached to Cheneh Cemerlang Camp, Kemaman, Pahang. Died at 10.30pm on 3 September, after having fever for 1 week. Rafi had previously called his sister and told her that he had a fever, and that his leg had been swollen for nearly a week after he fell during training.[21]
2008
Too Hui Min, 18, attached to Kem Geo Kosmo, Behrang, Selangor. Passed away on 7 May at Slim River Hospital, Perak, three days after she started complaining of constipation. The cause of death was later determined as being toxic megacolon - her colon had been swollen and the lining had thinned due to septicemia. Her family is desperate to know why she wasn't sent to the hospital earlier. As a result of this latest death bringing the total so far to 16, several DAP leaders are calling for the suspension or even the scrapping of the National Service programme.[22][23]
Afiz Zuhairi Ahmat Rozali, 18, attached to Kem Sentosa, Chenderiang, Perak. Died on 16 April at Teluk Intan Hospital, Perak, after a brief febrile illness. He was treated by camp paramedics several times before finally being transferred to hospital where he died in less than 24 hours
Eventhough I’m not very good in maths cause I study maths and science in Bahasa Kampung I can still see that there are many death cases here. Other than sudden death, there also have ‘sudden rape” or “sudden food poisoning” and also “sudden building collapsed”.
When there’s 1 case of food poisoning, it’s acceptable. When there are bout 55 cases of food poisoning, it’s abit worrying but still comprehendible but when there are 155 fucking cases of food poisoning, one must ask wtf are there serving those people in NS camps. And I can still remember there’s this commercial bout this girl saying that the food in NS is very good.
This is what they serve you in NS
Sudden Death – in MACC
In my whole life, I never heard of a witness being interrogated like a suspect for 7 god damned hours. Also, I also never heard of somebody who is sleeping downstairs at the ground floor will suddenly die next door. It seems that he sleepwalked up to the 14th floor and then jump down and die. Before that he tore his pants at the butt part to show that he is committing suicide.
This issue raises many questions that I cannot raise here. In a security building there’s no cctv even though the current government spend millions to set up cctv which actually doesn’t work. There’s no key card to enter any room where anyone can just walk to any room and “suddenly die”. This means that I can simply walk into the building and piss at the pantry and then take a dump at the documents room, then I can go sleep at the ground floor and go home later and nobody gives a damn on what I’m doing.
As far as I know shit does happens but for this matter, I like to watch this video. (It’s not that I’m implicating anything).
Now it is not safe anymore in Bolehland. You’ll either gonna get killed by rempits and rapists or getting killed if the cops get you, or you get drafted into NS and also helping out as a witness in corruption cases. God please save Bolehland.
I am abrasive, some people really hate me, but there may be a group of other tight knit assholes and bitches that I can hang out with and get me. Everybody else? Fuck ‘em.
