Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The Untold Stories

Once upon a time, there was a Happy Prince. He was so damn happy cause he made lotsa cash from selling a jet engine that he found in his dad’s plane hangar. So he took all those cash to get anti-depressant and got high. Upon his death, the ruling government wastes most of the tax-payers’ money to build 1 totally useless statute of a happy prince which is made of gold leaves covering its body and bright rubies for its eyes.


Although it was sculpted to look happy, deep down inside, he was sad. So he cried everyday. Eventhough people do notice that there were teats on the statute’s eyes, they thought it was rain drops and don’t give a shit about the statute.


So 1 day, a black bird was resting at the statute’s shoulder and then he heard “Boo Hoo Hoo”



A Black Bird

WTF, Why the hell are you crying like a fegget?” said the ghetto black bird.

Then the Prince starts to bitch about although he’s made with a happy face, but actually he is sad at heart and it was the anti-depressant that made him happy. He further continues with other crap which the bird has absolutely no interest in.


“So why are you sad?” (like he actually gives a shit.)

“Oh, I’m sad cause people around me are poor and sad. Furthermore, I’m stuck here and I can’t help them.”

At this point, the bird realized that it has just stepped into some holy-big-assed shit.

“But you, you can fly. So I need your help…”

“Hey mian, wait a sec. Look, winter’s coming and I gotta fly south with mah homies else ima gonna get mah ass freezed.” Replied the Black Bird.

“Aiyo, but look at those people, they are poor. See, see the boy there, he so cham.”

“That sonnova bitch tried to shoot mah ass with his sling shot.”

“Oh come on, he tried only ma. It didn’t even hit your ass.”

“Look white boy, I ain’t got no time for this shit.”

Then the statute starts to cry again.

“Ok, ok, whatchiu want me to do.”

“Oh, Tuhan bless you, u black bird. My body is covered with gold leaves and my eyes are made of red rubies.”


“Dayum, you got lotsa blings.”

“So I need you to tear off my golden leaves and distribute it to all the poor people in this town.”

So the bird tore off the golden leaves and distributed it to all the poor people in town where they pawned the gold leaves for cash and used it to get weed, hookers and go to Genting.

A few more days later, the bird visited the statute again.

“My dear Black Bird, I’ve given all my gold leaves and now I’m just a white stone statute. However, I noticed that the people around me are still poor.”

“Of course you idiot,” replied the Black Bird. “They pawned that shit and went hookering.”

“Ok, so maybe my gold leaves are not enough. Bird, gouge out my ruby eyes and give it to the first 2 poor families you see.”

So the Bird took both the eyes and gave it to the poor, where they realized that it was actually fake stones and threw it away. Seeing this, the Black Bird told the golden statue.

“Shit, fark, tiuniaseng, I didn’t know that my eyes were fake. In the auditor’s report it was written as real rubies. Oh no, now I have no eyes. Oh my kind bird, will you stay here with me and be my eyes?”

The Black Bird politely said, “fuck off,” and flew off to join his flock to the east side.

Soon thereafter, the statue which lost its gold leaves and fake rubies was destroyed and replied with a new housing area.

Moral: Don’t do charity cause people just don’t give a shit about you.