Rzeznik 'SAY NO TO CHARITY'

This is my first post in the Rant’s section. (Rzeznik’s rants is all the things that pisses me off during my research)

We all know that a good-hearted person will always do charity i.e. give money to the poor, the handicapped, the homeless, the sick etc. We also know that everytime we give some cash to these poor souls we feel damn great. Yeah, I mean really damn great because we felt as if we have done something noble and have the same status as a rich person like the Great Uncle Lim from Genting. (Ohh ima great person like this guy, I gave some money to this poor guy)

Here’s the deal, how the heck would we know whether the money that we gave will eventually goes to the needy? For all I know, all those money might just end up in some corrupted asshole’s man’s pockets.

I guess this scenario happens to everybody and thus I would like to share mine.

Monday 7 January 2008 (1300)

I was at this KFC restaurant eating this so-called damn big kfc triple x burger which is actually very tiny KFC burger (which is coming up in the next episode of Rzeznik’s Rants) when I was approached by this cute 16-17 year old mandarin speaking girl.

Girl: (in mandarin) Hello, sorry to bother you but could you spare me a few minutes?

RJ: yea, waddaya want?

Girl: Hi, I’m from this (enter some charitable name) society and I would like to ask whether you can donate some money to this centre.

Then she goes on showing me some pictures of some down-syndrome kids living in some ghetto dump with crappy environment.

Girl: As you can see, these kids very cham wan u know, they need help lo.

RJ: So whatchiu want me to do?

Girl: So if can you can donate some money to use lo, like 10 bucks enuff.

RJ: WTF?!!!! 10 BUCKS (then I looked at her suspiciously)

Girl: I know what u thinking, I not bluffing wan u know, u see I got these papers and newspaper cutting and our license saying that we are real charity collectors (and I haven’t say anything also)

RJ: Have you been to this centre girl?

Girl: Got, sure got wan la, I go there help everyday wan u know, I sit bus there and help wan ma, we must help these kids wan.

RJ: Where you from girl?

Girl: I’m from Bidor.

RJ: According to this paper, this centre is located at Skudai. You know where’s Skudai is?

Girl: Er..erm..

RJ: Skudai is at Johor. So you telling me that you go all the way from Bidor to Johor in a 6 hours bus ride to help out in this centre?

Girl: ……

RJ: You look like 16 17 years old, don’t you have school to go? You sure that this centre is genuine?

Girl: I’m not bluffing, u know hor, if we do good things god will know we do good things wan, its from the heart, dun care whether you know it will go to the children onot.

RJ: Its not about doing good things and god knows what, I just don’t feel like giving my money go some scam that has been going around preying on gullible naïve young girls like you which the money will end up in some scumbag’s pocket.

I can see that you feel cheated and all, but let me tell you this. If I am in your position, I’m gonna quit this scam and go home. You not getting paid for all these running around asking for money right?

Girl: *Nods* (man I can see tears in her eyes)

RJ: Look you think you doing a good thing by collecting money for these things but for all you know, this is just another scam run by some scumbags, you understand me right?

These people just preying on your sympathetic nature and needed some free labour in collecting money for them.

You go home and think about whether what I said holds water. And if you are smart, you would quit this thing before anything bad happens. You do know nowadays it is very dangerous for a girl like you walking around in the streets right?

Girl: *Nods* (I can see her face getting redder)

RJ: Look, tell you what, you go home, tell all your friends about this so that no people will be used in this scam anymore ok? If you do that, it will be a big charity work that you have done for everyone.

Then I finished up Coke and walk off. (Man I felt damn cool, like in some movie scene…on the other hand, I look as if I’ve just dump a girl)

As you can see, this is one of the many scams that have been going around in most main shopping mall. Places like 1 Utama, Mid Valley and Sungai Wang are their favorites spots. Most shopping mall’s management has taken action against these people and now they normally appear in LRT stations and bus stands doing their errands.

How to feel good after being scammed:

I dunno man, the only thing I can think of is lie to yourself that you have done something good and charitable and pray that hopefully the money really goes to the down-syndrome centre.

How to Avoid:

1. Shopping malls will provide a booth for authorized charity centre to collect funds. If they’re not in a booth, they’re not an authorized charity centre.
2. Pretend to not understand Mandarin/Cantonese or whatever language they’re speaking
3. Pretend to have no money.
4. if you really want to donate, go straight to the centre and donate there.

Other types of Scams.

The Bloody Thick-skinned Humiliation-proof Monk

These are worse than scums. They come as if they are devoted Buddhist monks from Thailand collecting money to build temples and stuff.

Their Scam: They will approach you looking as though they are exhausted walking all the way from Bangkok to KL and speak in some gibberish asking you to put some cash in their bronze bowl. If you’re lucky, they gonna give you an orange string or a nice bracelet.

How to feel good after being scammed: I notice that people gives 5 to 10 bucks and did not take the nice bracelet. Next time, give 1 buck and then take 2 bracelets as though you are buying the 2 bracelets for 1 buck.

How to avoid: in my research, this is what I found:-

1. Real Monks doesn’t go around asking for money to build temples. People will go to the old temple and donate there.
2. Real Monks doesn’t wear shoes, they go around bare-footed. And even if they do, they wear straw-woven sandals and not Crocs.
3. Real Monks doesn’t wear gold chains around their necks and Rolexes on their wrists
4. Real Monks can only ask for VEGETARIAN food from 9 am to 12 pm. No cash, no bak kut teh, no McDonalds. After these hours, they cannot go out begging for stuffs.
5. Real Monks doesn’t smoke weed and eat bak kut teh after asking money from you.
6. Real Monks doesn’t go to ‘Internet Cafes’ to play ‘Machine Kuda’ or buy 4D number from Toto or Magnum.
7. Real Monks doesn’t curse, swears and use profanities.
8. Real Monks doesn’t buy porn dvds at China Town.

The Forever Lost man

Their Scam: they will approach you with a sad face telling you a long story about they how they came here and got cheated bla bla bla and now they got no money to go home. Most of the time they will ask for 10 bucks to make a phone call, 50 bucks for a bus ticket home or 80 bucks cause they’re hungry.

How to feel good after being scammed: find the man and beat the living crap outta him then get back your money from him.

How to avoid:

1. Offer to bring him to the cops (if they’re really in deep shit, the cops will send him back for free.
2. Say “I thought I gave you 50 bucks last week to go home, why are you still here?”
3. Pretend to not understand what they are saying. (Me no speak Ingerrish)

The Mute-Deaf Man.

Their Scams: they normally approach you in fast food restaurants, place a key chain on your table, then walks off. After 5 minutes they will reappear and present you a card saying that they are mute/deaf/retarded and ask you to pay 20 bucks for the key chain. (which actually worth 1 buck)

How to feel good after being scammed: lie to yourself that the key chain is worth 20 bucks market price and you have done a charitable deed.

How to Avoid:

1. After they placed the key chain and walk off, take the key chain, hide it somewhere or keep it in your pocket. When they reappear, tell them that you did not see any key chain on the table. (this will prompt them to talk, they’re suppose to be mute/deaf/retarded remember?)
2. Ignore the key chain and continue eating your burger.
3. Pretend to be deaf/mute/retarded.

The Poor Stationary Granny

Their Scams: poor granny selling all sorts of normal cheap stationeries for a very expensive price telling you that she needs the money for her bypass, her grandkids, for food etc.

How to feel good after being scammed: again, its always about lying to yourself that you have done something charitable and you have help a poor granny

How to Avoid:

1. Don’t buy anything.
2. Send her to an old folk’s home offer to bring her to the local charity centre.
3. Ignore her.

A Guy with his Retarded Friend

Their Scam: poor ‘brother/parents’ bringing their retarded son collecting money from everyone down the street saying ‘TOLONG LA, DIA CACAT TAU’

How to feel good after being scammed: if you like ‘Fei Mau’ or ‘Ah Wong’ you wouldn’t mind being scammed by these people

How to Avoid:

1. ignore them.
2. pretend not to speak their language
3. pretend to have no money

Ok, it seems like I’m being cold-hearted here but hey, it’s my money and it’s up to myself to do anything to protect my hard earned money. I really hate these people who prey on other’s sympathy and kindness. All these people should die and go to hell, and then reincarnate into a retarded person so that they can ask for donation legitimately.

I hope what I have posted here helps, so people, the next time when you’re donating for charity, please find out whether you are really donating to the correct people, if not your funds will be wasted or be used to buy porn/crack or other stuffs.

p/s: I might have missed some other scams, so feel free to add on in the comments.